Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Healing

I dreamed about him last night.

I haven't done that for many years. He's been dead for almost 10.

The gist of the old dream was always the same: He's no longer dead. He is back in my life. In my house. In my face. And I know that he will steal my baby and hide, like he did with his sons with his first wife.

When I dreamed this dream before, I would wake up in a cold sweat, shaking. It would take many, many minutes to come back to the present and remember that he was dead. That I had spoken to doctors. That I had seen the medical records. And the death certificate.

That I was there when he was buried. I wasn't there for me. I went for my 3-year-old daughter. I went in her stead and cried for the little girl whose father was dead. I cried for her. I would never cry for him.

The dream this time was different. I was calm. I dictated the rules. I was not afraid, only matter-of-fact. And irritated. And amazed. Amazed that he had been in hiding for 10 years. That he had tricked us all, including his own sister, at a funeral.

Where had he been? Who knows.

Who cares.

Why was he back? I don't know. But when I woke up, I was calm.

And I reached over to the man who now shares my life and my bed ... and hugged him very, very tight.

9 comments:

Jo Beaufoix said...

Sounds like you had some tough times. So glad you have someone good to hug now.

~JJ! said...

That is good healing. Very cathartic.

dawn said...

Sounds like you have got it together, and have the confidence to face the 'ghost' and heal. How wonderful and I am so glad you have a wonderful man next to you now.

Serina Hope said...

I am glad that you mde it through the fear to the other side.

Sarcastic Mom (aka Lotus) said...

It is excellent that you gained control in this dream.

Junebug said...

I agree with Lotus. I just read this today since I have been oh so busy.

Jenni said...

What an incredibly strong woman you are! I am so glad you had the strength to leave then and so happy to hear that you are in a place where you can have control over even those thoughts that lurk in your subconcious. What a victory!

Robinella said...

Very happy to have you here today and away from that. It sounds like the healing has truly taken form.

Canadian flake said...

I still have dreams from my past every now and again..wish they would stop but at least they have lessened.

 
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