Tuesday, November 20, 2007


I dreamed about him last night.

I haven't done that for many years. He's been dead for almost 10.

The gist of the old dream was always the same: He's no longer dead. He is back in my life. In my house. In my face. And I know that he will steal my baby and hide, like he did with his sons with his first wife.

When I dreamed this dream before, I would wake up in a cold sweat, shaking. It would take many, many minutes to come back to the present and remember that he was dead. That I had spoken to doctors. That I had seen the medical records. And the death certificate.

That I was there when he was buried. I wasn't there for me. I went for my 3-year-old daughter. I went in her stead and cried for the little girl whose father was dead. I cried for her. I would never cry for him.

The dream this time was different. I was calm. I dictated the rules. I was not afraid, only matter-of-fact. And irritated. And amazed. Amazed that he had been in hiding for 10 years. That he had tricked us all, including his own sister, at a funeral.

Where had he been? Who knows.

Who cares.

Why was he back? I don't know. But when I woke up, I was calm.

And I reached over to the man who now shares my life and my bed ... and hugged him very, very tight.


Jo Beaufoix said...

Sounds like you had some tough times. So glad you have someone good to hug now.

~JJ! said...

That is good healing. Very cathartic.

dawn said...

Sounds like you have got it together, and have the confidence to face the 'ghost' and heal. How wonderful and I am so glad you have a wonderful man next to you now.

Serina Hope said...

I am glad that you mde it through the fear to the other side.

Sarcastic Mom (aka Lotus) said...

It is excellent that you gained control in this dream.

Junebug said...

I agree with Lotus. I just read this today since I have been oh so busy.

Jenni said...

What an incredibly strong woman you are! I am so glad you had the strength to leave then and so happy to hear that you are in a place where you can have control over even those thoughts that lurk in your subconcious. What a victory!

Robinella said...

Very happy to have you here today and away from that. It sounds like the healing has truly taken form.

Canadian flake said...

I still have dreams from my past every now and again..wish they would stop but at least they have lessened.

All Rights Reserved. Planet of Janet, 2010.