Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Christmas Day, or the day they really SHOULD have called Child Protective Services

On our way to our traditional Christmas Day morning movie:

Wonderhubby: Wow, the wind is really blowing. This is a two-hands-on-the-wheel trip.

Evil Mother: Huh. No wonder Santa didn't come to our house last night. He was probably blown off course.

The Roo-Girl: Um. I thought we were Jewish?

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Non-revelationary revelations:

Z-man: What are you drinking?

Drama King: Some strawberry creme thing with soy.

Z-man: *eye roll* Oh brother.

Drama King: Hey, I'm gay. I'm allowed to drink soy.

Evil Mother: *knows she's going to hell for outing her son on the internet*

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I can get it for you wholesale:

Evil Mother: Oh yeah, we got the movie tickets for $6 apiece. I don't know why, though. Nothing on the marquee says $6 as a price.

Wonderhubby: The movie theater is catering to the Jews today. You know you never pay retail.

Evil Mother: Oh, I'm so blogging that!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

My bid for mother of the year:

Drama King: *snort sniffle gag cough*

2 seconds later:
Drama King: *hork cough throat-clear*

4 seconds later:
Drama King: *cough gag gurgle snort*

Evil Mother: Maybe you should go home? *instead of making me want to puke from non-stop mucus production*

Drama King: Oh no. *gurgle snorffle sniff* I'll be OK.

Evil Mother: Oh. *will I????*

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In which we review our Christmas Day movie, "Sweeney Todd":

Drama King: I thought Joanna's face looked funny.

Wonderhubby: Yeah, she was a little off. But her boobs were quite prominent.

Drummer Man: They were all pushed up and stuff.

Z-man: It was a corset.

Drama King: I know someone who's into corsets.

*Wait for it*

Drama King: On guys.

*Unison groaning ensued*

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The only joke told that day I can actually repeat in public (I think):

Z-man: What gets louder as it gets smaller?

Drummer Man: Um. I don't know.

Z-man: A baby in a trash compactor.

Evil Mother: *wonders where she went wrong*

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We here on Janet's Planet hope your Christmas Day was as much fun as ours was!!

3 comments:

Simply Jenn said...

Janet, this is about the most freaking hilarious thing I've read in a LONG time! Your family sounds like SO much fun. I suspect mine will sound similar in the coming years. Unfortunately I don't remember anything funny from Christmas or otherwise. I have a lot of "bizarre sort-of dreams everytime I closed my eyes due to morphine" stories, but they were more weird than funny.

Thanks for the laugh!

Pamela said...

you guys need your own sitcom.
unbelievable.

monkeysandmarbles said...

umm....can i come and visit and meet your family? you guys sound like a riot! ;-)

 
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