Monday, December 3, 2007

Fun Monday #43: the post revisted edition

The very lovely and fellow Sagitarrian Robinella is our hostess for this week's Fun Monday. And she had a great idea for those of us still recovering from NaBloPoMoFoDeeOhDoh:

I want you to dig through your blog files and show us your best effort. Why you consider it your best is up to you. C’mon, you know you have a favorite - show it to me one more time.

Hmm, I said to myself, hmmmm. I've only been blogging since July, so there isn't a huge archive to choose from. If I felt like being self-important, I would resurrect this old chestnut (which I have linked back to more times than I really should have).

But I don't ... feel self-important, anyway. So I'm off to read everyone else's best-of post, while I leave you, my Fun Monday pals, checking out something you probably never saw because it was a early-Janet guest post for my friend Melodyann.

Here's how it ran on Sept. 4, 2007:

Well, how the hell are ya? (Mel said I could swear.) I’m from another planet entirely. I’m still pretty new in town, but this is already my SECOND guest post. Impressive? Oh yeah.

In my first, I talked about thongs. So it seems only fair that in the second, I should talk about vibrators.

I have one. Do you?

He’s just a little thing but pretty powerful, and his name is Buzz (you know … to infinity and beyond …?)

He has no need to be concerned about his petite stature because, as you know, size doesn’t matter.

Anyway, I keep him in my nightstand drawer, close to my person. But once, he escaped.

I don’t know how this happened, truly. I believe Buzz has always been true to me (although he DOES enjoy a threesome with the hubster every now and again).

Anyhow, one day many years ago, I was walking my then-10-year-old son to his religious school classroom and I felt a familiar jolt in an unfamiliar location – the small of my back.

WTF? (See, Mel? I can swear!)

I whirled around to see Buzz staring me right in the eye – FROM MY SON’S CLENCHED FIST.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Buzz! How could you betray me like that?

Wait a second. Z-man? WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT?

“I found it,” he said.

Found it, my ass! I KNOW the kid took Buzz out of my drawer, but what the hell? Has he been walking around with my little friend ALL DAY? At school? How many fifth-graders have been introduced to my Buzz-man? Has my lover betrayed me? Can I ever forgive him? Will my son be scarred for life? Will I?

“Yeah, Mom. See? I can give you a massage …”

Um. I think NOT.

26 comments:

Serina Hope said...

LMFAO!!! OH MY GOD!! I would have died. That is too funny. Too much. lol

Swampwitch said...

OK. You owe me for a new keyboard. I just spewed sherry out my nose and I'm hoping this burning sensation stops soon. My eyes are watering and my sides are killing me.
I think you should conduct a poll to find out how many fellow blogbuds have vibrators.
As for me, I keep burning my leg on the kick start.

Gattina said...

Oh geez ! Children ! Hahahaha !
To dig out an old post was more work for me then to write a new one, so you have the choice or you read my 487 posts and choose one you like the best, or you read the new one of today, lol !

Lil Mouse (Jill) said...

hmm i imagine rug rat learned about privacy did he? giggle.

nikki said...

I just snorted my yogurt.

http://anticsofacrazymom.typepad.com

Mama Drama Jenny said...

Ha! That was hysterical!

A Slice of Life said...

Bwwahahahaaaa! You forgot to post the spew alert...I barely kept my swig of coffee in. Great story, I hope you found a better hiding spot!

Susan at A Slice of Life

Phyllis Sommer said...

omg LOL that is too funny.

hey - You are the WINNER of my giveaway! I can give you the gift code if you send me an email - phyl613 at yahoo dot com.

mazel tov!!!!!!

Kaytabug said...

LMAO I don't know why I am shocked/surprised to read that this came from you. Look what comes out when you aren't at your on place?
This is one AWESOME post! Thanks for putting it out there, now I feel better about one of my posts I linked to!! I will never EVER be able to watch Toy Story in the same way again!

ChrisB said...

Brilliant~ LOL as I read it.

The Rotten Correspondent said...

That was frickin' hilarious, but I'm guessing you didn't think it was too funny at the time!

I am still laughing.

lisa's chaos said...

When I heard about buzz I had a suspicion of what was coming. :) Too funny! You shocked me.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Oh, my Lord! Buzz?? I'm still getting over the you have a vibrator part. Egads. And, your son? Ahhh. I would've died.

Sandy said...

They do always advertise them (or so I've heard) as personal massagers!

Too funny!

Sauntering Soul said...

This is hysterical!

Joy T. said...

*snort* *giggle* *gag* OMG is that funny!!! My 17 year old son came running to see what was so funny "Never mind son, never mind."

Karmyn R said...

ACK!!! Too funny.

I'm thinking its time to get a lock on that nightstand!!! hee hee

Do they even make locked nightstands?


Dreaming What Ifs...

karisma said...

Well! I don't know whether to laugh or be SHOCKED! Okay, Im laughing, spluttering, trying not to make a noise so the kids won't ask what Im laughing at!

Oh MY!

Blue Momma said...

That is just TOOO funny!!! And I thought it was hilarious when my son was playing with "his trumpet" (a tampon).

You, though, you have me beat!!!

Willowtree said...

Ok, that was even too rude for me!

Hey you wanna hear something funny? I misread a sentence and thought you said "Found it in my ass!" Maybe that was just wistful thinking.

Jenni said...

Oh. My. Word. The next time I have to hear my MIL or SIL feign shock that I talk about my underwear and "doing it" on my blog, I am directing them to this post. And hey, I've warned them not to read--or at least not tell me when they do. Funny, funny post!

Canadian flake said...

lmao wayyyyyyyy too funny...I remember reading this post on Melody Ann's blog...laughing all over again...roflmao.

Alix said...

oh my goodness that is the funniest thing ever. Did you go straight out and buy a lock!!

mjd said...

Very funny Janet, a lady at a bridal shower for a friend recommended locking ah toys and such in a suitcase. However, young boys do have a way of findin things that they shouldn't.

Robin said...

WOW~ Um, you are a mess, Janet. I may have to go back and read more about the old Janet. Too funny!

Renée said...

Buzz, huh? I thought they were always called Bob (Battery Operated Boyfriend).

 
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