Thursday, January 10, 2008

Absence makes the heart grow weepy

You would think I would be used to it by now.

But every time I put Z-man on a plane back to school, I cry.

And I mope.

And I am on edge.

Until he returns home again.

Wonderhubby just looks at me like I have lost more than a few brain cells and rolls his eyes. I know he knows that I hurt, but his sympathy for this is not at a high level.

I've been thinking about this ... and I think now I understand why.

I am a wuss who has always had full custody of all my children.

He has been a divorced father whose child was unceremoniously yanked more than 180 miles away.

J-bear and her father were/are very close. Before the mother of the year decided to move away and take her with, the two households were no more than about 2 miles apart. In fact, hanging out with me would have made them 25 miles apart, and there was some serious discussion about this while our relationship was developing.

And then the bombshell:

"I'm moving to Podunk, U.S.A., and I'm taking J-bear."

She was 11. Father and daughter were devastated, but the MOTY was determined.

It came to a crashing halt when a natural disaster scared the holy bejeezus out of the already skittish and almost clinically shy J-bear.

She started following the mama around like a lost pup. She refused to stay in the house alone. Her grades plummetted.

And then he got a phone call.

"I want to come and live with you and Janet."

It was midway through her eighth-grade year. We tried to convince her and the MOTY to wait till June and make the transition to high school, instead of a semester of middle school. But no.

They were determined.

That's how she came to live with us while the MOTY stayed in Podunk.

But the years that came before are, I believe, the reasons why Wonderhubby may understand my pain but thinks I should get a grip.

Divorced fathers live with this all the time. I have been spoiled for 18 years.

And even though I know this, every time I leave my boy at the airport, I cry.

And my boy does too.

12 comments:

Tink said...

That and there's a bond that men will never have. It starts in the womb, and despite age and progression into their own lives, children are always tied to the hearts of their Mothers. Always.

Simply Jenn said...

That's so sad. I've determined my kids can not go to college outside of a 90 mile radius and they can NEVER EVER get on a plane, because I'd have a heart attack and they'd have all that guilt. They wouldn't want that.

But seriously men just don't get that. I'm pretty sure it's a missing gene!

Jenni said...

Ugh. You're making me think of future events I'm not prepared for but which are all too near. I want Caleb to be happy and do what he wants with his life. Is it bad for me to pray that he will be happy deciding he does NOT want to join the Marines? If just thinking about the possibility makes me cry, I'm going to be a freakin' mess if he really does it. I think I can handle just about anything else. Maybe.

DIXIECHICK said...

Honey...I feel ya! I hardly ever get to see my oldest..or talk to him anymore...I try and call several times a week, but lately...he acts as if he doesn't have time for me..to talk, to even let me know how he is doing..we have seriously drifted apart...living with his dad, two hours away, with school, football, friends, girlfriends, job...everything else is more important than mom...I just keep holding onto the fact, that one day..he will need old mom again, I will be right here waiting for him. I miss him so much it hurts..but, I know it won't be forever...because I won't let it.
You should look at it that way as well...although our hearts ache for now...we have to let them go...become the men they are intended to become...they will come back home to their Moms, from time to time...they will always need us, even though they may not admit it right now.

nikki said...

My son is only three. You've made me start panicking.

DIXIECHICK said...

Janet..my email addy is hatkedonna@gmail.com....

~JJ! said...

Oh man.
I understand.

My kid is only 4 and I still hate leaving her at preschool for 2 hours.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Oh, J. I totally understand how you must feel. No matter how big your baby gets he is still you little baby boy. I'm glad at least your son understands.

Robinella said...

I want to cry when I leave the boys at home with Dad to go to the grocery store. Although, it's a mixed emotion. Sad to leave leave, happy to leave them! ??

suchsimplepleasures said...

melissabrodsky at sbcglobal dot net
btw...relate to this post. happy when there here, mixed emotions when gone...but, mine aren't gone for very long so...i recover quickly.

Canadian flake said...

I have always been the same way...and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. When my Mom used to go on vacation, I would cry everytime and she used to get upset. I used to tell her that she should be grateful to have someone in her life that loves her enough to cry when she leaves. I think we should all be so lucky.

Laura McIntyre said...

I cry leaveing my two year old at playgroup so can only imagine your sadness

 
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