Thursday, February 7, 2008

It's the little things that make up the big things

The Drama King is gay.

I've mentioned this in passing before.

He's very open about it. In fact, he has been "out" since he explained his sexual orientation to me in no uncertain terms at the age of 16.

It was one of those watershed moments in parenting. I still am amazed at the words that came out of my mouth that night.

It doesn't matter to me if you are gay, straight, green, purple or polka-dotted. You are still my son, and I will always love you.

The only thing that bothers me, though, is this: Being gay is a harder road to travel, and it makes me sad that you will have to travel that harder road; that things will not be easy for you.

Otherwise, you're still you. That's the bottom line.

Pretty good, eh? I impressed myself as well.

Anyway, it has been more than a hard road. It's been quite brutal, in fact, and he has suffered the ups and downs of a difficult and dark personality as he navigates it. Do not forget that this is still the young man I threw out of my house on Christmas night two years ago.

For the most part, he has been a bachelor, so to speak. A couple of brief and not-so-shining relationships. Usually he picks the bad boys, including one that led to a period of time we both choose not to think about. Something about that self-destructive streak ...

So imagine my surprise a month or so ago when we had this instant message conversation:

Evil Mother: hey

Drama King: Whatsup?

Evil Mother: nuffin

Evil Mother: you didnt talk to me last nite

Drama King: Aww ... was on a date

Evil Mother: a good one?

Drama King: I'd say so. We went to a super fancy restaurant, where I had duck that cost 30 dollars.

Drama King: It was his idea tho, so he paid.

Evil Mother: wow

Drama King: Yeah.

Evil Mother: is he nice?

Drama King: Yeah

Evil Mother: anyone who would pay $30 for your duck dinner ... that sounds like a keeper to me

Drama King: 0:-)

Evil Mother: so when do you bring him home to meet your mother?

Drama King: A week before the wedding?

Drama King: ;-)

Evil Mother: you are a baaaad baaaad boy

Drama King: You love me, admit it

Evil Mother: totally

That was a month ago, like I said.

Tonight, I got a text message from him (God forbid we should actually communicate with the spoken word!) about the Catch-22 of needing new pants for work but needing to work so he could afford the pants.

*Insert heavy sigh here, while I apparently needed to buy my 24-year-old son a pair of black pants*

Anyway, we're standing in line so I can pay for said pants, and he turns to me and blushes an amazing shade of tomato red.

"So, um, Mom ..."


"What day next week ... uh ... would you like to have ... er ... dinner with ... um... B and me?"

I wish I could have had a picture of the look on his face -- and on mine.

He's bringing a boy home to meet his mother.

Now, this is a first.

I can't wait.


Aoj & The Lurchers said...

oooh!! Are there wedding bells in the air then? OR was he joking about tht bit!?

Either way, I hope dinner goes well!

Cathy said...

Oh that is exciting.
And I was very impressed with your response. I'll have to save it in case I'll need it in a few years...

Simply Jenn said...

Your response was amazing and the dinner should be SO much fun- I can't wait to hear about it. My SIL is now exclusively living with her girlfriend, and although we all know she's gay she has never ever admitted it out loud. I'm so proud of you for raising your son to believe he can trust you with such important information. Very impressive!


You are one amazing mom....I have often thought about how I would handle something like that, if one of my boys ever came to me like yours did....I think your response to him, was wonderful. I look forward to hearing about the dinner...maybe you are getting a new son-in-law?

nikki said...

I hope I can be a great of a mother as you if I am ever in the same position. May dinner go fabulous!

Kaytabug said...

I don't know why I have tears in my eyes but I do. He sounds so sweet!!
What a beautiful response to him. I would feel the same way, esp the fact that it is the harder road to travel.

You are my hero! I think you are one fabulous mom! I hope dinner goes splendidly. I will be looking forward to the update!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Awww . . .you brought tears to my eyes! I was "the supportive friend" when one of my college friends came out to her mom. Um, yeah, that is not how her mom chose to respond. It was ugly and made me firmly believe that somtimes people really don't deserve their great kids.

You deserve yours.

Karen Sugarpants said...

That is so freaking cute. I loved your response too. Let us know how it goes!

secret agent mama said...

I just want to know what you are going to make? LOL

Sassy said...

My best friend (KarenSugarpants) sent me here to read this... said I would totally appreciate this cute post. My 20-year-old son is gay and he and I had almost the exact same convo when he was 15. My son is currently still living with me and he's currently single but tells me everything about his love life (or lack thereof)! I'm waiting for my "meet the boyfriend" day...hopefully soon! You sound like an awesome mom and I loved your post!

Burfica said...

awwwww what a sweet moment. What a good mom and kid. hehehehhe

Phoenix said...

Oh that's so sweet. I can't wait to hear how it goes.

I am laughing though, because I totally got my mom to buy me a new work outfit last week.

Mandy said...

you sound like a fantastic mother. He is so lucky to have a mom like you, your response to him was incredible and wonderful!

You must have been a great mom even before that response for him to have been so open with you at sixteen.

I can only hope my daughter will always feel comfortable with me that way, and I can only hope I will be able to come up with supportive responses as eloquent as yours for whatever the future may bring with her.


abritdifferent said...

Your response to his was amazing and touching. I think it's funny he blushed so hard! How cute.

Sorry it's taken me so long to travel over here. I'll definitely be back though. Keep my seat warm, would ya?

Jennifer, Le Binky Bitch said...

A whole new twist on "Guess who's coming to dinner!"

Your response to him when he told you was very impressive.

Karly said...

Aw, this made me smile. You're a good mama. I hope dinner goes well!

Anne said...

Good luck! I'm sure it will all go fine. :-)

suchsimplepleasures said...

how fun!! i hope that i can have the same type of reaction if any of my children announce that they are gay. i wouldn't be could i? anyway...i can't wait to hear about the will post about it, won't you?

dawn224 said...

haha I was thinking 'were those black pants for the wedding?'

and I had a friend's brother come out during a conversation where his mom was grilling him about smoking "mom, I'm not a smoker, I am, however, gay" :)

Joy T. said...

VERY nice to read this, way to go mom! You hear horror stories of children 'coming out' and their parents acting in a less then desireable way. I have no doubt supper will be a great time!

Huckdoll said...

Wow, that is just plain awesome, I think I dig you a lot as a mom and a cool chick. We need more people like you in the world!

PS. I love you guys and your texting and technologies.

Tink said...

Aw. Puppy love!

My Mom always said the same thing to us kids, "It doesn't matter who you love. I'll love you just the same." It was always a comfort, even though I knew I wasn't gay. Although there were some questions about my littlest brother ;). He was an infatuation with easy-bake ovens.

Canadian flake said...

can't WAIT to hear how dinner goes...we want details baby...details!!!


Robinella said...

You are the best, Janet. Being the mother of two boys, I've thought of this in passing. I think I will keep your conversations in my head in case I need them later.

Hope your dinner is wonderful.

~JJ! said...

Can't wait to hear all about it!

You are the coolest mom ever.

That is one lucky family you have there.

Jester said...

My mom met several of my boyfriends, she just didn't know they were boyfriends until long after the fact.

I wish she had been that receptive when I was that age.

My BF and I have been together for 6 years now, and she's finally accepting him as a fact of life.

She'll grow out of that phase soon, I think. She's only 55. :D

Seriously kudos. Hope your kid has some older gay friends to talk to... they are a huge blessing.

Jerri Ann said...

I want to put a crown on your head and call you the Queen of Parenting. I am not kidding, this is awesome for you and your son. My kids are only 4 and 6 but my own mother had a difficult time with my decision at one time to date out of my if? We live in the South, the Bible Belt and she gave me grief the entire relationship.

She has also given me grief my entire life because I was a daddy's girl and their marriage only lasted about 5 years because he was gay. He was never actually "out" of the closet because this was the 80's and holy mother of sasha, he would have lost his job and everything.....

so I crown you again, Queen of parenting! AWESOME!

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