Friday, April 18, 2008

Haiku Friday: the all is reasonably well edition

Haiku Friday

Calm has been restored
As my boy comes home to me.
I have touched his face.

I feel like this is a recurring theme for my Haiku Fridays. Oh well. It's an accurate reflection of my world, which spins in a wild, sometimes out-of-control way, and then ... Z-man returns, and I am at peace.

Well, at peace is probably not strictly accurate this time as I agonize over what is making him so miserable.

He and I had a heart-to-heart talk Thursday night, after he got home, trying to get at the root of it and work our way to a solution.

Apparently much of the problem is the city of faraway collegeland itself -- and the people who populate his campus. He is happy in the kitchen, but the rest he deems "unpleasant."

I was at a TOTAL loss on how to help him. He doesn't want to quit, yet he doesn't want to stay. Argh.

Eventually, I boiled it down to some basic truths.

1) He has one more month to go this school year.

2) He will be busy because he has to do a "double lab" for the last two weeks of school. (This means he will have one class from 7 a.m. to 1 p.m. and another from 1:30 to 7:30 p.m. for nine days. Uusally they do one at a time.) B.U.S.Y.

3) Then he comes home.

4) In the fall, because of he had to drop some of the labs this year due to various illnesses, he has to do THREE doubles in the first trimester. That will keep him even B.U.S.I.E.R. in a big way.

5) Middle trimester he intends to do an externship -- part of the regular program -- at home (!).

6) Third tri will be his academic section -- and then he's done.

and 7) He will then have an A.A. in culinary arts.

8) IF he decides he wants to do the second two years and get the B.S. in food service management, he can transfer to a different campus. OR NOT.

Bottom line is, after I broke it down into its brass tacks, he perked up dramatically.

Because after another VERY BUSY class-time-intensive school year, one-third of which would be spent at home, he will have an A.A. and will be fabulously hirable in his chosen profession. The four-year degree is gravy. Either he'll do it or he won't. His choice.

I have no illusions that I have fixed it in an hour's worth of conversation, but he actually sat up and the sparkle returned to his eyes as the reality of what I was saying sank in.

So we have a plan. That plan also includes some regular therapy with a side of medication.

And a heaping helping of love.

35 comments:

Jules said...

It can be very hard at times. Although they look like they are in grown-up bodies, underneath it all, they are still little kids.

Joyce said...

Sounds like you two had a great talk. So glad Z-man is feeling energized and encouraged.

Our oldest son was miserable the semester he attended a huge university far from home. He finished up the semester, but came home and applied at the smaller university right near here where he could live at home. He graduated with honors, and is successful in his chosen field, has lived away from home for a few years now. He just wasn't ready to leave home the first time, and be in a completely unfamiliar (and fairly hostile) environment.

maggie's mind said...

So glad you were able to sit down and talk with your son and help him navigate. It's scary times, but I bet your support helped plenty, and I wish him the best!

wright said...

It's great that you were able to talk through the problem. I'm sure a hug from mom helps too!

Happy Friday!

Kathryn said...

How nice that he can pour out his worries to you. That must make you feel so good. And what a great mum you are to be able to then make him feel so much better. I hope he can keep his eye on the prize. :)

secret agent mama said...

Awwwww.. I bet he'll get extra helpings of love, though! With a mom like you, and all...

The Laundress~JJ! said...

Nothing like a Mom, I tell ya.

You rock.

Robin said...

Good luck with all this. He's so lucky to have you :)

nikki said...

Maybe he will be able to find a close friend next year too once the freshman year thing wears off. I will keep my fingers crossed for him that it gets better soon.

Marylin said...

aww it's never easy is it? I'm glad you were able to sit down and talk about it. Living away from home is far more difficult than most think.

storyteller said...

Happy that you both
had the opportunity
to talk all this through ;--)
Hugs and blessings,

Lisa said...

Sounds like you two are very close. He's lucky to have such an understanding mama.

Sounds like he's got some busy times ahead. But when he's finished, all of the work will be worth it.

P.S. Its my first time at your blog. Thank you for writing about your son and this struggle. I needed to hear how you helped him and didn't lose patience. You've inspired me and I'll be thinking about you when my boy and I sit down during his homework sessions.

DIXIECHICK said...

Love and some time with Mom sometimes is all they need. You are awesome, he his lucky to have such a great Mom. Growing up is hard.

LceeL said...

It can be so hard. Our 'Z-man', Zachary, is away at school, too. He is a junior at Illinois Math & Science Academy, and it's a residential school. He gets lonely. And, being an Asberger's kid has it's own little special issues, as well. But he comes home on weekends for a re-charge by Sunday evening he's ready to face another week. I don't know who it's harder on. Me, his Mom, or him.

The Rotten Correspondent said...

I'm catching up. So sorry about your craptastic, cranky, suckitude week, although you do have a very colorful way to putting it.

Sounds like you two had a nice talk and that you were able to break it down in mom terms. For some reason things always sound more reasonable when we say them. Why is that?

And I know I'm late, but (going back to your post about going off on your daughter about trust and all)...you know darned well that being a great mom doesn't mean you don't sometimes lose it. And kids really do need to know that trust runs two ways.

Hope your day is better than your week.

Kaytabug said...

I am so glad you were able to help him see the big picture and the light at the end of the tunnel! How wonderful that you saw a sparkle in his eyes again!

Have a wonderful weekend!!!

Junebug said...

I'm so glad I'm from your planet. You make it special.

transplantingme.com said...

enjoy your weekend with him!! the time is short, but i know it doesn't seem so when you are so young.

Scylla said...

A plan can help a lot, though the support he got from you sitting down and creating one with him was likely the best medicine of all.

Great Haiku!

Sadie said...

I'm glad you're feeling better about it all! I hope the rest of the school year runs a little smoother and that everything settles down!!

Mr Lady said...

You know me, all for the meds. Especially the Valium. Dang, what's a girl gotta do to get some valium? But, honestly, I think the lovin's gonna do the most good.

And if you think a sordid affair would cheer him up, I kinda have a thing for chefs. Just sayin'. :)

Joy T. said...

I say without a doubt YOU get mom of the year! I'm nominating you :o) It's good to hear the Z-man got a bit of sparkle back.

Rebecca said...

Sounds like a good conversation. I'm glad. I hope things smooth out.

And the last few weeks of any school term -- hell (pardon my French).

wineymomma said...

Good thoughts mom!

Somedays I can't imagine we will survive second grade!!! I don't even want to think about college...

siteseer said...

Sounds like you're a great mom. I think sometimes it helps too for them to know that they can always change their minds. When I was growing up it was "what do you want to be?" like a lifetime decision. Nowadays we know that no one stays in a field for more than 20 years. Sometimes that feels like a lifetime. You're doing all the right stuff. And here's a hug for you 0 Mom's need them just to keep up with all they give.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Sometimes it just takes a level-headed mom to break down the facts into workable chunks. You rock for being able to do that!

Robinella said...

I don't know what school he's at but my BIL went to Johnson & Wales and got his AA and not only was he super hireable after, but owned his own restaurant at age 30 and is now interviewing for a brand new fabulous resort in Kenya! He'll get to run the show.

So tell him to keep his head up because he'll be off to bigger and better things very soon.

I offered him a job as our personal chef but he turned me down cause chicken nuggets weren't his thing.

Burfica said...

good for you mom, breaking it down in a way that he could maybe grasp easier without feeling so overwhelmed.

Our babies still need their mommies once in a while.

I hope all goes well with this visit.

suchsimplepleasures said...

i think it's so wonderful that he can come to you and rely on you to help him sort things out!! i hope that my son still feels that way about me when he gets to be that age!!

have a happy passover to you and your family!!!
xoxoxoxo

Bren said...

That heaping helping of love makes ALL the difference!

Good luck to your Z-man.

Cathy said...

So glad he's home - and it must feel good for both of you to have the plan figured out.

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

I knew you would know the right thing to say to make it better. Don't you feel like the weight could be lifting?

ya ya's mom said...

good luck to your z-man and way to be a good mom!!

tumblewords said...

Good luck to you all! I think we are all a little needy under the surface and sport adult covers over our own 'little kids'.

Mama DB said...

whew. he will be busy. I'm glad, for you, that he's home right now though.

 
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