Saturday, April 12, 2008

Yeah, I totally suck

To all those who make me laugh every time you tell me you want me to be your mom or you hope you can parent like me:

No you don't.

Because I suck.

Totally. Completely. Utterly.

I made my Roo-girl cry on Friday. Because I was mad.

See Mommy be mad. Mad mommy mad.

She is gone for the weekend with her cheer team. She can't compete because of the broken arm and all, but she can help and support her team, and I let her go with Coach K. (You know, Coach K, the one who sucks -- though possibly not as much as I do.)

I asked only one thing of Roo for her driving journey.

I asked her to call me when she left home and to call me when they got to their destination.

She did neither.

I texted her at about 1 p.m., just to check. (Coach K is notorious for being late and flaky, so it wasn't totally out of the realm of possibility that she hadn't left yet.)

Oops, she texted back. "We left. Sorry I kinda forgot to call you."

I had a particularly lousy day at work and was busy fighting over territory. (What? Move my desk again? Um, no thanks.)

So it wasn't until I was on my way home that I realized it was almost 6:30 p.m. -- and I had not heard from Roo.

They were having a team dinner at 7, so I was pretty sure they had arrived.

So I called.

"Oops," she said. "I forgot again."

And I lost my shit.

Told her about trust.

Reminded her that I had not objected to the trip, but had only asked ONE THING.

And she had failed.

I told her that I would be reining in her freedom to go gallavanting off with Coach K, since she couldn't follow a simple request.

She burst into tears and said she was sorry.

And yet I didn't stop.

"I'm sorry" are just words, and trust is a difficult commodity to regain once lost, I told her.

She sobbed that my trust was the one thing she wanted above all.

And still I did not relent.

It was a simple thing I had asked. And she "forgot." Unacceptable, I said.

She cried harder, saying she was sorry.

And I hung up the phone.

You don't want to be like me.

I suck.


Mr Lady said...

Are you kidding me?

Do you realize that if you had been all, "Oh, that's okay honey and you're pretty and I love you" that in 3 years you'd be right back here bit she'd be at some BOYS house?

You laid down the ground work. You just made the rest of her teens a little easier. Sometimes, we gotsta remind them who's boss.

(Yes, I was in this position once, and yes, I never forgot my father's reaction and yes, I NEVER made that mistake again.)

Joy T. said...

You do not suck at all. Because if you suck for just doing that then that means I suck for doing worse. And I don't want to suck. So you don't suck. I bet she doesn't do it again though :o)

Jenni said...

Well, all humans suck. So, good news! You're human. You don't suck so much, so you're probably a little less human than most. You'll have to work on that.

Simply Jenn said...

I am like you, and I don't think you suck. Knowing where your kid is is a huge deal. I don't think you overreacted- that is what moms do.

the Janet who is waiting for her bread to finish baking said...

You don't suck...and I bet she won't do that again :-)

nikki said...

You. Do. Not. Suck. You're a parent, worried about her kid. I doubt Roo will ever make this mistake again and the next time you talk to her it will be all okay. It's just a very emotional time at your house right now.

Dory said...

Oh, Janet, you do NOT suck. Seriously. I know Suck, and you are not Suck. I am Suck.

I think she needed to hear the tough love.

If you think you suck, then say, "I'm sorry, baby, I suck."

And she will say, "It's ok, mom, sometimes I suck, too."

And then you'll go out and get peanut buster parfaits at DQ.

I want a peanut buster parfait from DQ. Hmmmm.

The Immoral Matriarch said...

You don't suck. You. Don't.

womaninawindow said...

It does just plain suck to be a parent (sometimes). Why do we always have to be that parent? When do we get a day off? Ya, you suck, so do I, and so do our kids. Human nature. I like the peanut buster parfait thing. I think this might just be the solution to any problem. Haul out a Moo moo and pull up a chair!

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

I think you did exactly right in that situation. She knew better than to do it a 2nd time.

Pamela said...

we have to pick our battles. This is one that I would have sucked at too.

But I'll lay odds that if you ever give her permission to go on another trip, she'll check in!!!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

You don't suck, woman. She should have figured it out the first time, so she got what she had coming the second time. I seriously doubt there will be a third time, and that is what really matters. The two of you will be laughing over public poo'ing just as soon as she gets back, I'm sure.

Alison said...

you don't suck are human, you are a mom and you were don't suck.

Janet said...

We all suck sometimes, janets and non-janets alike. I yelled at my kid today too, when he told me he hasn't worn his epi-pen pouch for a week now. Because he couldn't find it. Helping him find it would have been more constructive than yelling.

I apologized. We're cool.

Kaytabug said...

I think Dory and Jenni said it best. YOU DO NOT SUCK! We are all human. If you went a little overboard, it will just sink in more for her to call you. Like Dory said you could always tell her you over reacted a smidge or whatever it is you feel like saying and that is good for her to see us parents admitting we make mistakes from time to time. But why the heck am I offering any advice to you...I still want to be like you/hope my kids turn out like yours/have you be my 2nd Mom....

Jenni said...

Had you cussed her out or degraded her, you would have sucked.

Had you hit her, you would have sucked.

You followed through. That's called being a good parent.

Admitting and apologized for following through a tad too much? That's called being a great parent.

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