I don't like it.
No, I do not like it at all.
Tuesday was the first day of summer school. High school for the Roo-girl.
New morning schedule for the Evil Mother.
Can I stop the world now? Cuz seriously? I want to get off.
Here was my Tuesday:
6:00 a.m.: Wake up. (Noooooooooooooo!!!!)
6:01: Look longingly at laptop but know in my heart there isn't time.
6:02: Wake up the Roo-girl. (Yes, I am still her personal alarm clock.)
6:03: Give in to the lure of the laptop and check my mail.
6:20: Tear myself away from the laptop and take a shower. (Yes, I shower BEFORE I go to the gym. I don't have time after, and anyway, then it's clean sweat. Shut up.)
6:32: Turn off the shower. (I do enjoy my morning ablutions!)
6:32:30: Realize that although I washed my face and my hair (yes, BEFORE the gym -- I said SHUT UP!), I neglected to soap up with our lovely vanilla-scented body wash.
6:33: Turn water back on and REshower.
6:35: Turn off SECOND alarm and get dressed for the gym.
6:37: Hustle a slow-poking child along.
6:38: Feed medication-laden cheese to the rat dogs, who -- if they crap in the house again -- are going to be turned into some lovely boots for me. Their new names are Ugg 1 and Ugg 2.
6:45: Re-hustle pokey child, reminding her that a high school freshman is always prepared. (Oh, wait. That's the Boy Scouts. Never mind.)
6:46 to 7:00: Feed dogs, feed fish, look for lost keys, find lost keys, look for lost bluetooth, find lost bluetooth, remind Roo-girl to hurry up, ask three times if she has taken her meds.
7:01: Leave the house. Ask one more time if Roo has taken her meds.
7:02: Turn car around so she can take them for real this time.
7:02:30: Growl at child who thinks she is a grownup but can't remember to take morning meds.
7:06: Get out of the house for the final time, hoping there is time for a stop at Starbucks (NOT the one where they know her name and her drink).
7:11: Stopping. Starbucks. Yum. But not for me -- I'm exercising soon.
7:21 to 7:26: Drive new high school freshman to campus and drop off BEFORE the traditional "circle driveway." (Traffic? It is crazy at that hour.)
7:27: Cry a little when she doesn't turn around to say goodbye.
7:27:30: Throw up in my mouth a little when I look at the older girls' slutty manner of dress and the VERY OLD-LOOKING BOYS who are looking at my baby.
7:35: Arrive at the gym -- for the 8 a.m. class, instead of the 7. Lament being WAAAAAAAAAY early.
8:00 to 9:10: Sweat my brains out (CLEAN SWEAT, I tell ya!)
9:11: Get vaguely annoyed because I don't like the 8 a.m. class as much as the 7.
9:12: Get over myself.
9:13: Haul ass into the locker room and throw on some clothes for work. Clean clothes. That don't have clean, vanilla-scented sweat on them. Manage to throw on some makeup at the same time and marvel that it doesn't slide off my sweaty face (you're welcome!).
9:30: Drive to work. Make sure to stop at the Starbucks to treat myself to the honey latte that I was deprived of BEFORE going to the gym.
9:56: Sit down at my desk (late!) and immediately start blogging about how much I hate my new reality.
10:20: Set blog to post at midnight, knowing that Holly has cleared the way for me to appear on her updating blogroll for at least nine hours.
10:21: Actually begin the work that they pay me the BIG BUCKS for. (Well, after I read my emails, blogs and catch up with my scrabulous and sudoku Facebook games. I mean, SERIOUSLY, people! When did I have time for that in my busy morning?)
And then we can do it all again tomorrow ...