The weekend from hell ... a memoir

Yes, it's already Wednesday, but I have not yet fully recovered from the horrors that were May 30 through June 1.

And you KNOW I'm all about the sharing, so mi pain es su pain and all that rot.

Yeah. So. Let's start from the very beginning, a very good place to start.

FRIDAY:

* My BFF had been having terrible pains and was diagnosed with a blockage in her cystic duct. That's the part between the gall bladder and the liver. It didn't look like a stone to anyone on the scans, so there was some vague thought of a tumor or something equally horrid.

This made me a little jumpy, what with her being my best friend in the world and all.

After several days of uncertainty, surgery was scheduled for 1:30 Friday and a promise exacted from her husband to call me IMMEDIATELY. Blah blah blah.

* The Drama King and I had not exchanged any more words since our fabulous IM exchange of Wednesday when, as Mr. Lady so aptly pointed out in the comments section, he proved that, despite his circumcision, he still had BALLS.

* The Roo-girl was on the eighth-grade end-of-year-before-graduation trip to a theme park. Yeah, spoiled much? Anyway, she was at a big, bad theme park without her mommy. I worry.

My phone (yes, the pretty pretty iPhone I coveted so much!) is silent -- from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Friday.

Not a text message, not a phone call, not a whimper.

See Janet freak out. Freak, Janet, freak!

Janet finally calls her daughter and finds her at a friend's house and planning to go to a dance. Wha? Crap. Whatever.

Janet finally calls BFF's husband and gets voicemail. Leaves frantic message.

Janet ignores the Drama King for obvious reasons. No calls? No need.

So.

On the way home from work, I called Wonderhubby, all freaked out about life. Turns out he had texted me several times. As did Roo-girl. As did J-bear.

And I received NONE.

Yet as I was driving home, my phone sprang back to life and coughed up about six previously unreceived text messages.

About the same time, I got an incoming call from BFF's phone. She was fine, on her way home from the outpatient procedure to remove her gall bladder and a STONE, and all was right with the world. Sigh of relief breathed here.

When I got home, I started poking around with buttons on the phone to see if I had inadvertently blocked incoming calls or if any voicemails were hiding.

Nope. Nothing there, even though BFF said her hubby had left a chipper message several hours earlier (yes, from a phone call I did NOT receive).

So I stewed briefly and watched my phone, which then did a magic trick!

Yes, four -- count them, FOUR -- voicemails appeared out of the blue!

One is from BFF's husband -- perky, as advertised.

One is empty from an unknown number.

And two -- yes, TWO -- are from the Drama King.

One at 10:30 a.m. -- in which he apologizes for his snarky mouth on Wednesday and puzzles about why I don't answer the phone.

The second at 3:30 p.m. -- in which he spends four solid minutes castigating me for not accepting his phone calls and for having anger issues (since I'm not accepting his calls, I obviously am still mad from the other day and I should look into dealing with my problems), and then tells me that the ball is in my court, since he was in an EXCELLENT mood and he had called to apologize and was, indeed, doing exactly that.

I would have burst out laughing, if the whole damned day hadn't been so stressful.

I called the young man back, explained that, indeed, I had NOT ignored calls I hadn't received, that my phone had been eerily silent and I did not have the previously discussed anger issues. In fact, I had long been over my fit of pique.

"Oh," he said, duly chastised and a little embarrassed at his unnecessary 4-minute tirade. "OK, then ..."

Moving on, I was still in a fair dither over my lack of service for about eight crucial hours, so I did what every red-blooded American would do: I called AT&T and gave 'em hell!!!!!

"Blah blah best friend's surgery blah blah missing 13-year-old blah blah apologetic son thinking I didn't care blah blah," I raged.

"Oh, that's terrible," acknowledged Miss Sweetness and Light of AT&T wireless. "Well, we did have a brief service outage in your general area ..."

"Rant rant bad timing rant rant," I blathered on.

"Oh, I certainly understand," agreed Miss S & L. "I'll mark your file, and if it happens again, we'll get Apple to get you a brand new phone. Oh, and how about I credit your account $127?"

SCORE!!!!!!!!! Yes, people, I can be bought.

For $127, my aggravation subsided, leaving me wiiiiiiiide open for the broadsiding that the rest of the weekend had in store for me!

To be continued ...