Thursday, July 31, 2008

For sale: teenager. Cheap.

In fact, I'LL pay YOU to take her.

However, a couple of conditions apply. Remember, she is slighty used, and there is no warranty and ABSOLUTELY NO RETURNS.

It's a sweet deal, I promise you. She's ... um ... yeah. A sweet deal, like I said.

So where did my lovely little Roo-girl go, and who is this snarly, sullen, depressed, withdrawn TEENAGER she left in her place?

Oh sure, she has always had her high-maintenance moments, but until this summer my girlie has been loving and snuggly and totally mama's girl.

Until 14.

Fourteen has hit our house with a vengeance.

Fourteen is kicking my ass.

Fourteen could be the death of me.

There are many times when I look at Roo-girl and still see this:

And then there are times when I see this:

During those times -- when her head does 360 spins and she spews pea soup -- I want to hold her out the window by her ankles until it's over.

Those of you with older girls, I know you are laughing both with and AT me when I say I really thought I might escape adolescence with our relationship reasonably intact.

Those of you with toddler daughters, let this be a warning to you. Even the most precious and adorable can turn into Linda Blair without warning.

Why, in a mere 24 hours time, I have gone from "Omigod, Mom, I LOVE you -- you're the best" to "All you ever do is YELL at me, and you NEVER yell at my brothers the way you yell at me." (Ahem. That's because she was a toddler when THAT was going on, but never mind that.)

In 24 hours, she has gone from "you were a teenager -- you should understand" to "I don't wanna talk about it." *door slam for emphasis*

And in 24 hours, I have gone from "Oh my baby is growing up and will leave me too soon" to "WHEN does she turn 18 so she move out???"

I can hear you all out there saying "OK, so what did she do, already?"

And the truth is: It's not what she does, it's HOW she does it.

With an eyeroll. With sullenocity (yes, that is TOO a word). With long-suffering angst and drama.

With closed doors and a closed world.

Yep, she's growing up all right.

And yes, I do remember what it was like to be a teenager with *oh the horror* PARENTS!

But sometimes it would be nice if she could think about what it is like to be a parent with *oh the horror* TEENAGERS!

Nah. That'll never happen.


Rachael said...

Once in a while, I'm glad that I don't have a girl. Not that often, but sometimes. Don't worry, I was a jerk to my Mom too, and we are very close. With a Mom like you, Roo would be crazy not to love you!

Mr Lady said...

Two things:

One, I cannot look at Linda Blair without having nightmares for two weeks. So, you better come over here and keep me safe.

Two: Did you notice how Roo Girl looks a whole lot like, oh, I don't know...who is's right on the tip of my tongue? Oh, THAT"S right. YOU. :)

I refuse to read the rest of this post. I prefer blind, stupid hope, thanks. :)

Lexi said...

I'm with mr lady...the pic alone will be disturbing my sleep.

Ah...and I'm also with rachael...for once, glad I have boys.

The Laundress said...

NO THANKS...I have my own 4 year old who THINKS she 14.


Kelley said...

Yeah, I have TWO! 14 and 16

I suggest charting her cycle and keeping emergency chocolate and bacon in the house.

And lettuce for when she is 'too fat to function'

Teenagers are punishment for enjoying sex.

LceeL said...

"Teenagers are punishment for enjoying sex.", said Kelley. Just as yardwork is punishment for owning a house. And just as inevitable.

So, as she enjoys her emotional, hormonal rollercoaster, and takes you along for the ride, just remember that revenge is best. served. cold.

HRH said...

We could arrange a TRADE of some sort.

Melissa said...

I'm sorry. But that too makes my glad I have boys. Not that it's easier, just seems like the struggles are more predictable, ya know?

nikki said...

It's the sarcastic mouth- the one that questions everything like you're stupid that gets me. Ken might not survive. Either that or he's going to have to move into the playhouse full of spiders in the backyard.

Pamela said...

She's blessed that you won't quit being a mom. Too many want to be their teenage daughter's "friend" - and that is an injustice to the child/woman. (:

Simply Jenn said...

Sorry, but ther is no way I would take another teenager. I still have 3 yet to hit teenage years. But actually, at 16 Kelsie isn't so bad. Her 13 year old brother is a whole different story.

Janet said...

JANET!!! Give a girl some warning, I'm going to have nightmares for a week! GAH!!!

robinellablog said...

Oh Lordy! I don't remember those days. Maybe that is for the best. Hang in there.

Catwoman said...

Hey, we can survive anything for 4 more years... George W... Roo's teenage years...

Jen4 @ Amazing Trips said...

Yes. But. Is she POTTY TRAINED?

I don't know. Would you consider a trade??

Burgh Baby said...

I don't believe you. There is no wa that my tantrum-throwing eyeball-rolling toddler is ever going to act like that. No way.

(Hold me.)

Rachel said...

My mom handed me over to my Dad when I turned 12 and just pretended not to know me until I turned 18. It was the best thing she ever did. (yes, they're still married ;-) )
I am frightened for teen years, so I'll pretend I never read this, K? :-)

She is so beautiful.

Immoral Matriarch said...

I'll take her. She can babysit my kids so I don't have to be a mommy at all.:P

Karly said...

Lalalalala, I can't hear you, lalalalala!

10 more years and my baby will be hitting that stage. She'll probably be there in about 5 years. Someone hold me.

Sandy C. said...

Dood...I have a few teenage SIL's who look much like that second photo all. the. time. I began fearing the teenage years the day a sharpened pencil was missing on my ultrasound. :(

Excuse me while I rock myself in a corner for the next 11 years.

Eric S. said...

I'm with Nikki, the sarcastic mouth, and disrespectful attitude was the worst. But in time, it will smooth out. Not easily nor without effort, but it will get better. I have to believe girls are the worst, you all are simply too emotionally centered.

A person could not pay me enough to deal with that again.

Janet said...

I already have one of those thank you so much, even though she's only 4. Complete with eye-rolling, door slamming, saying things like "I wasn't TALKING to you!" and making the world's most hideous face (I actually heard myself saying, "Be careful or your face might stick like that." yes I did).
So I'm thinking either this is good practice for the real thing, or we're sending her to boarding school.

Jenni said...

Okay, I've checked and this girl has NOT got an eyebrow problem!

All Rights Reserved. Planet of Janet, 2010.