In fact, I'LL pay YOU to take her.
However, a couple of conditions apply. Remember, she is slighty used, and there is no warranty and ABSOLUTELY NO RETURNS.
It's a sweet deal, I promise you. She's ... um ... yeah. A sweet deal, like I said.
So where did my lovely little Roo-girl go, and who is this snarly, sullen, depressed, withdrawn TEENAGER she left in her place?
Oh sure, she has always had her high-maintenance moments, but until this summer my girlie has been loving and snuggly and totally mama's girl.
Fourteen has hit our house with a vengeance.
Fourteen is kicking my ass.
Fourteen could be the death of me.
There are many times when I look at Roo-girl and still see this:
And then there are times when I see this:
During those times -- when her head does 360 spins and she spews pea soup -- I want to hold her out the window by her ankles until it's over.
Those of you with older girls, I know you are laughing both with and AT me when I say I really thought I might escape adolescence with our relationship reasonably intact.
Those of you with toddler daughters, let this be a warning to you. Even the most precious and adorable can turn into Linda Blair without warning.
Why, in a mere 24 hours time, I have gone from "Omigod, Mom, I LOVE you -- you're the best" to "All you ever do is YELL at me, and you NEVER yell at my brothers the way you yell at me." (Ahem. That's because she was a toddler when THAT was going on, but never mind that.)
In 24 hours, she has gone from "you were a teenager -- you should understand" to "I don't wanna talk about it." *door slam for emphasis*
And in 24 hours, I have gone from "Oh my baby is growing up and will leave me too soon" to "WHEN does she turn 18 so she move out???"
I can hear you all out there saying "OK, so what did she do, already?"
And the truth is: It's not what she does, it's HOW she does it.
With an eyeroll. With sullenocity (yes, that is TOO a word). With long-suffering angst and drama.
With closed doors and a closed world.
Yep, she's growing up all right.
And yes, I do remember what it was like to be a teenager with *oh the horror* PARENTS!
But sometimes it would be nice if she could think about what it is like to be a parent with *oh the horror* TEENAGERS!
Nah. That'll never happen.