Oh woe is me.
Well, not me.
Woe is the Roo-girl -- she of the broken cell phone.
Sit down, my children, and let me tell you a tale from the parental town without pity:
Once upon a time, a certain teenage girl lusted mightily after a phone with a full QWERTY keyboard. You know, for ease of texting.
But picky she was, and not easy to please.
Her parents despaired of being able to satisfy her -- though, fear not, they really failed to care, as they felt that some things were just. too. much. for a teenager. Even one who lusts.
So she set out on a journey to find the phone of her dreams herself. And she did.
And she purchased the phone with her own dollars. But alas, she failed to read the fine print and, to her horror, found that the phone was ... ahem ... used.
But it had Tetris already on it, so that was a good thing, right?
And it had a full keyboard for quality texting, so that was a good thing, right?
And indeed it was good, and the teen was satisfied.
But it came to pass -- in a mere seven months -- that the phone of her dreams dropped dead on the spot, to text no more.
The teen was bereft and mourned her phone with a vengeance.
But teens are wont to be fickle, and it wasn't long before she was trolling the internet for another texting phone. This time, though, she was not interested in actually BUYING anything off the internet. Verily, she used it only for research.
And she was pained.
Because the carrier of the castle -- Cingular, which begat AT&T -- has crappy phones, she decreed. Why couldn't we transfer to the greener pastures of Verizon, which has GOOD phones?
Ah, said the patient but firm parents who really failed to care, because we have many phone lines and a contract and an iPhone, which ties us endlessly (and not unhappily) to AT&T. And whims of the teenager will not dictate our plight.
Humph, grumped the teen. Humph and humph and humph.
But perhaps she could LOOK at some phones and touch them and caress them, and perhaps one would light up her life.
In a valiant attempt to solve the problem of the universe for the picky one, the father took her to the AT&T store.
Where, excuse me all to freakin' hell, they bought a BlackBerry.
I do not have a problem with the BlackBerry, per se. In fact, I actually agreed to the purchase. It was a phone upgrade, and there were many rebates and discounts, making it not a big financial deal on its face.
No 14-year-old child of MINE is going to have internet access on her phone.
Not today, not tomorrow, not next year.
And really? A BlackBerry, while cool and cute looking, is pretty useless if you aren't going to be allowed to use the internet.
But, verily, I say unto you that being given a BlackBerry should still be a good thing.
Yet, when she got it home, she hated it.
Hated hated hated HATED it.
The patient yet slightly irritated parents exchanged meaningful looks acknowledging her astonishing brattiness and outrageous sense of entitlement, but remembered that all phones are returnable, no questions asked, for 30 days after purchase.
A trip back to the store was planned, but to the horror and total shock (not) of all concerned, the little darling was unable to find anything else that suited her.
Alas, the teen is now sulking as she is forced to use a conventional cell phone where texting involves the long, complicated, we-all-do-it-so-shut-up-already method of pushing the regular phone keys.
The parents continue to fail to care.