Let's start out with a disclaimer.
I don't drink.
Well, I DO drink, but it's not a regular thing. I totally believe in the value of a well-timed margarita, and a glass of wine when I am at family functions (parental-unit hell) is de rigueur.
I am also the world's lightest lightweight when it comes to holding my liquor, so maybe it's a good thing I don't do it much.
Witness the family vacation (celebrating my parents' 55th anniversary) three years ago when I had a half a mai-tai.
The Roo-girl was TOTALLY freaked out by my less-than-usual-uptight-buttoned-up attitude (this was obviously before the corn incident).
In fact, my mother felt the need to tell me I was scaring my daughter and should sober up. Perhaps that was because, when J-bear was having trouble getting the attention of a waiter, I suggested she flash him.
Yes, I did say that. And no, no one has allowed me to forget it.
Anyway, the bottom line is: alcohol and I are mere acquaintances, wishing each other a quick howdy-do every so often when the need arises.
Which is what makes this story so odd.
For some reason, when we were vacationing a month ago, I saw something that tweaked my interest.
It was a beer.
Now let me just say upfront, I do NOT drink beer. My friends and I drank beer (sometimes) in graduate school lo those many years ago, but I find beer generally to be an aquired taste that I don't have and don't want, thank you very much.
But this one intrigued me.
And I thought about it on multiple occasions after we came back from vacation.
And then I started OBSESSING about it.
This has been going on for a month now. You'd think I'd give it up.
And really? It's not like it was a FANCY beer. Or an imported one. Or expensive. Or anything other than reasonably ordinary.
In fact, probably less than ordinary. It's a LIGHT beer, for God's sake!!!
And not just ANY light beer.
It's a Bud Light.
*We will pause here for legitimate beer drinkers and connoisseurs to quietly gag on their hops*
Maybe it was the bottle, all silver and green and pretty and -- I don't know -- LIMEY REFRESHING.
So on Monday, while I was out picking up some lunch, I bought one.
*Insert wild laughter from my family, who will undoubtedly think I have lost my freakin' mind*
Well, I did. I figured if I actually DRANK one, I could stop obsessing about it.
And since Monday night was the Fantasy Football draft for the Plurk Junkies league, I additionally figured that drinking a beer was highly appropriate.
Albeit a light beer with sissy lime flavoring.
And so that, my friends, is how I ended up sitting in my bed, with my laptop, a ranked list of football players AND A BEER last night.
And ya know what?
I STILL don't like beer.