Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall ...

Let's start out with a disclaimer.

I don't drink.

Well, I DO drink, but it's not a regular thing. I totally believe in the value of a well-timed margarita, and a glass of wine when I am at family functions (parental-unit hell) is de rigueur.

I am also the world's lightest lightweight when it comes to holding my liquor, so maybe it's a good thing I don't do it much.

Witness the family vacation (celebrating my parents' 55th anniversary) three years ago when I had a half a mai-tai.

The Roo-girl was TOTALLY freaked out by my less-than-usual-uptight-buttoned-up attitude (this was obviously before the corn incident).

In fact, my mother felt the need to tell me I was scaring my daughter and should sober up. Perhaps that was because, when J-bear was having trouble getting the attention of a waiter, I suggested she flash him.

Yes, I did say that. And no, no one has allowed me to forget it.

Anyway, the bottom line is: alcohol and I are mere acquaintances, wishing each other a quick howdy-do every so often when the need arises.

Which is what makes this story so odd.

For some reason, when we were vacationing a month ago, I saw something that tweaked my interest.

It was a beer.

Now let me just say upfront, I do NOT drink beer. My friends and I drank beer (sometimes) in graduate school lo those many years ago, but I find beer generally to be an aquired taste that I don't have and don't want, thank you very much.

But this one intrigued me.

And I thought about it on multiple occasions after we came back from vacation.

And then I started OBSESSING about it.

This has been going on for a month now. You'd think I'd give it up.

But no.

And really? It's not like it was a FANCY beer. Or an imported one. Or expensive. Or anything other than reasonably ordinary.

In fact, probably less than ordinary. It's a LIGHT beer, for God's sake!!!

And not just ANY light beer.

It's a Bud Light.

With lime.

*We will pause here for legitimate beer drinkers and connoisseurs to quietly gag on their hops*

Maybe it was the bottle, all silver and green and pretty and -- I don't know -- LIMEY REFRESHING.

So on Monday, while I was out picking up some lunch, I bought one.

*Insert wild laughter from my family, who will undoubtedly think I have lost my freakin' mind*

Well, I did. I figured if I actually DRANK one, I could stop obsessing about it.

And since Monday night was the Fantasy Football draft for the Plurk Junkies league, I additionally figured that drinking a beer was highly appropriate.

Albeit a light beer with sissy lime flavoring.

And so that, my friends, is how I ended up sitting in my bed, with my laptop, a ranked list of football players AND A BEER last night.

And ya know what?

I STILL don't like beer.

Sigh.

28 comments:

Mr Lady said...

I just gagged on my hops.

I also don't much care for beer, but when I DO have one, I'd better not be able to see through it. In fact, it had better be able to act as a meal substitute when need be.

God bless Guiness.

Katherine said...

I do like beer, but like mr lady, only if I can't see through it. My method of buying beer consists of holding it up to the light.

Tink said...

As a peon at a beer distributor, I usually get to taste this stuff weeks before it hits the market. Most of it sucks... Like those flavor shots in what looked like nail polish bottles that were supposed to go IN the beer. BLEH. They tasted like lighter fluid smells. There are tons of others too. I mean, who thought cactus lime or pomegranate raspberry would be good flavors to put in beer? For the record, they're not. But I kind of liked the Bud Light Lime. It doesn't completely suck.

BTW, I want you at my next party.

LceeL said...

I spit coffee. And I just read Mr Lady's comment and I think I'm in love.

But, I digress. I did not spit coffee over the beer thing. No. Not at all. It was telling J-bear to flash the waiter. Now that, that was funny.

where have you been all my life?

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

I hate beer. HATE it. And, hubby is a freakish brewing in his dorm room kind of beer lover.

Kaytabug said...

uhhh it will be obvious from my upcoming comment that I am not a TRUE beer drinker... I like that beer! I like Bud light in fact. I like to drink my bud light while eating pizza and watching football!

You and your drinking sound just like my MOM!!!! But unlike Roo I always wanted to see my Mom drink and get wasted!!!

lattemommy said...

I'm no beer connoisseur or anything, but the idea of Bud Light lime kind of makes me cringe.

Oh, and I'm totally inviting you over for a drink *anytime* babe! Consider it a standing invitation! :)

Kathy said...

While reading your post you actually made me want to try it! I'm totally a non beer drinking girl but the lime actually made it sound almost appealing...too bad it probably won't be in Canada for like a year...glad you didn't rave about it too much or I might have really wanted to try it!

Jenni said...

I don't much care for beer, but I do like the lime one I tried. I don't think it was Bud Light though.

I will occasionally have one or two drinks and that is always enough to make me feel a little looser, a little more relaxed, and just all over good and slightly buzzy. My children think this is hilarious though. They like to joke about Mom hitting the bottle again. (Please! It's usually two fingers of Jack in a juice glass with some Coke.)

When we were in California, I was impressed with the whole wine culture thing. I thought it might be fun to try having wine with a nice family dinner once a week or so. So, I invited my brother and his wife over for dinner and we served two different kinds of wine, one made by our California friends and an elderberry wine from a local winery. Apparently no one else cares much for wine. The kids kept dumping their glasses into mine when I wasn't looking or refilling mine from the bottle. Still, I wasn't drunk, I was just a wee bit tipsy. However, everyone acted like I was plastered and my brother and SIL looked concerned. WTF? Because I had an uncontrollable case of the hiccups? Because I giggled a little? Usually my brother has me in stitches without any alcohol, but he wasn't being particularly funny and seeing the way they were acting I controlled it. I didn't even suggest any flashing or make any other crazy comments. No, I do that *without* alcohol! So, now I may be known as the family drunk. Oh well.

nikki said...

That's because you were drinking a bud light with lime. GAGAGAGAGAGAGAG. If you're going to drink a beer, do it right. Not with the fake lime taste!

Eternal Sunshine said...

NOT a lover of beer, but my hisband is named Budman for a reason. He's given up on trying to find a beer that I would like.

Great story.

Oh - and at least it wasn't the Bud Light with Clamato in it - Supposedly, that's the nastiest substance on earth...

Immoral Matriarch said...

I don't like beer eihther! WOOO!

Janet said...

I'm with Mr. Lady. The darker and stouter the better. I'm a whiskey person myself, and in college (it was legal then!) I could drink everybody under the table and walk away (as long as it was whiskey. We won't discuss vodka.). Then when I was 27 I learned an interesting fact: my grandfather was an ALCOHOLIC! Time to sober up.
I still drank it, but not in the vast quantities to which I had been accustomed. Now, of course, I'm completely off everything because of my stupid RA medication. {sigh} Designated driver, forever and ever, amen.

Momo Fali said...

That's because you're drinking the wrong kind! Way wrong.

Burfica said...

yup beer is just down right nasty, and buttwipers, errrr I mean budweiser is the worst of them all.

Only beer I ever got really sick drinking. blech

Sarah said...

Gag...yeah, I hate beer too. Can't stand it actually. It sucks big time and don't ever care to acquire the taste, either.

Actually, like you...I don't drink much, or often either...although it takes a little more than half a mai tai to make me happy, though ;) I've got a high tolerance for a non-drinker. It's in the jeans.

Rachie said...

Oh hunny, Bud Light Lime is THE ONLY beer I will drink. And i dont even like it THAT much. But I will drink it. And pretend I like it.

Catwoman said...

You didn't like the beer? But look at that picture! It's all glowy and stuff...

My favorite beer is Miller Chill... Which I miss tremendously these days.

Melissa said...

Bleh! I can't drink either. Except tequila. I can drink people under the table with that. Go figure.

Sandy C. said...

I'm a total light-weight, too. All I need is a whiff of beer, and I can get buzzed.

I have to admit though, that bottle is rather purdy ;)

Karen said...

I have never liked beer very much until I tried a Japanese beer called Sopporo. Not my first choice of a drink, but it is gluten free and quite tasty. Still, I can only drink two. That's my limit.

Pamela said...

I saw that the other day ,too. My mind just wondered why a person just wouldn't buy a fresh lime and stuff it in the beer like we do with corona.

I so understand your occasional drink. I am the same way. One glass of wine slides me under the table.

I just enjoy chocolate so much more.

JessWrites said...

You should try Leinenkugels Summer Shandy. It is THE beer for people who do not like beer.

Marmarbug said...

Ick. I hate beer. All kinds.
And I can't believe you said that to the Roo. Snicker.

texasholly said...

OMG. You and I. Scary. All of that applies. Every word including the strange attraction to the lime light...

Janet said...

GAH! No wonder you still don't like it, that stuff is like pee!!!

Colleen said...

the only time I've ever wanted a beer was when I was pregnant...you know, when it was verboten! :D

considering your were trying out that crazy beer, you did alright on the draft!

VDog said...

You're so funny, Janet. I'm glad you tried it!

Now stay away from that stuff! ;)

 
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