Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Yours, mine ... and oh. my. GAWD!

I am not shy.

Well, that's not true. I'm actually BRUTALLY shy in person, but on the internet, I've been known to blab.

A little.

Well, maybe more than a little, but never mind that part.

Not long ago, I posted about ... ahem ... personal lubricant. I'd look it up, but it's late and I'm tired and, people, REALLY. It's personal. And, uh, lubricant.

I think I'm stream-of-conscious'ing here. Back on topic, dudette.

Ok. Lube.

Also not long ago, Catwoman described an evening of "marital relations" with a new his-and-hers kind of thing, called (cleverly) Yours and Mine.

It comes in two separate bottles, one for him to use on her and one for her to use on him.

They're color-coded, see? One is blue, one is purple. One for him and one for her. Used in tandem, the combination is supposed to be (and I quote) "thrilling" for both of you.

But here's the problem:

Have you ever tried to figure out the difference between blue and purple IN THE DARK?

Plus, the writing on these suckers are teeny. And it doesn't say HIS and HERS. It's says YOURS and MINE.

Well, hell. Who is who here? You? Me? Her? Him? WTF???

I really wanted to give you a detailed review of what "thrilling" really means in the Casa de Janet's Planet, but ... uh ... the bedroom scene really went more like this:

Wonderhubby: You want to use some ... uh ...?

Evil Wife: We have that two-fer stuff, if you want to use that.

Wonderhubby: *reaching into the nightstand drawer for the two tubes of thrill* Which one is which again?

Evil Wife: *squinting in the dark* I can never remember which one is which. What does it say on the bottles?

Wonderhubby: Wait, what is Yours? Is that mine? Or is that really yours? Is that yours for me or yours for you?

Evil Wife: WHAT???????

Wonderhubby: Wait. Is blue for you? Or is blue for me? Is this the blue one? Or is that really purple? I can't see the color, and I cant see what it says. Can you see what it says?

Evil Wife: Wait wait wait. If it says Mine, is that for me or is that for you? Does this say Mine?

Wonderhubby: Wait. Is purple for you or for me?

Evil Wife: *totally ruining the mood* Oh, turn on the freakin' light, for crap's sake.

Instead, Wonderhubby reached for his cell phone.

What? You gonna make a call?

But no. He flipped it open and used the light from the phone to illuminate a blue tube labeled "Yours (for him)" and a purple tube labeled "Mine (for her)."

And I gotta tell ya, at this point? I had given in to hysterical, maniacally uncontrollable laughter.

It took a loooooooong time to get back to business.

39 comments:

Crazed Mom said...

Mwahahahahahahahahaha!

Melissa said...

I can totally see a similar scene in our bedroom with that stuff.

I just hate it when one of those commercials comes on and the kids see it. And then I have to try and deflect!

Debbie said...

Just found you through a comment on another blog. Great day to find you! I am cracking up here. What a funny scene. And in our house, it would also have been accompanied by, "I don't have my glasses. I can't see. Can you see?" You are too funny. Going to add you to my reader right now!

Karly said...

We just got some of that. We prepared ourselves before hand. We put his on his side of the bed and mine on my side. If only I was so prepared for the rest of the crap in my life. LOL

karly said...

OH, and also? Did it feel like someone shoved an ice cube up your hoo-ha or was that just me? Cuz dang...that shit was cold!

nikki said...

@karly- Shoved an ice cube up your who-ha?

BWhahahahahhahahahahahaha!

(uh, actually, I have to say, that's kind of fun (cough, cough) too......)

texasholly said...

Holy crap that was funny. Seriously, who comes up with the "yours" and "mine" is it the ultimate political correctness gone crazy awry? What if you switch places or turn the bottle around?

Janet said...

so...did it work?

Junebug said...

I love your (your) information. Here's a funny piece of info from me: we have always kept our "stuff" in my underwear drawer but switched to a small safe in our room to keep kid's eyes from seeing. :D And here is something I think about: if both of us are killed at once, who is going to get rid of those things? I wouldn't want to be the child that finds them. Ewwww...

Sandy C. said...

ROFL!

I may never look at lube quite the same again :)

Sandy C. said...

Oh...and I forgot to say,

"What? You gonna make a call?"

*dies*

:-D

Kaytabug said...

It's the bedroom version of Who's on 2nd?!!!!

I take it he does not have an iphone cuz at first I was thinking he was gonna look it up on the net to figure out which one was yours!

Hilarious!!

LceeL said...

Janet, you have some REALLY interesting people that read you. The comments are almost as funny as your post.

Catwoman said...

I'm dying here! Absolutely hilarious!

And I wonder if KY will decide to expand the product to the gay community. Because then it'll be mine and mine and Yours and Yours. And well, that would seem to make it a little easier, I guess.

Laski Gal said...

I officially love when you over share . . . love.

At least he wasn't snapping a pic with the phone, that would have been . . . a brilliant idea.

Miss Anne Derstood said...

hehehehe

I just love you guys...

really i do

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

Catwoman has no idea how many people are trying this because of her, right? I love that stuff. Hope you enjoyed it after the odd little foreplay you had going.

Jenni said...

Uh, yeah. That would *totally* kill the mood! So does it make a difference whose is whose? And why does it make a difference? Could we have a lube tutorial post please? LOL!

Kila said...

LOL! I'm impressed, really... Haven't had that much fun in ages.

You'd think they'd make the bottles a different size or shape or texture...

Emma in Canada said...

I keep looking at this stuff in the store and I really wonder if it can be as good as my blueberry spray. How does it taste? I am all about the taste.

Zoeyjane said...

Okay, so what I've gotten from this is the need to either leave the lights on or if I wanna go fancy, just try the damn warming stuff. Smart of hubby though - turning on the big room lights prolly woulda totally killed it. :P

A Spot of T said...

Ok so I'm desperately trying to catch up on some blog reading here. I swore to myself I was only going to skim and quickly read posts without commenting or I'd be here all night long. But I can't help it. I have to comment on this if only to tell you how much I'm rolling around with laughter!!!

Rachael said...

You crack me up. The other day, we were about to... y'know, and suddenly hubby is like ' i need to take out my bite guard' and he needed to feed the cats so they would leave us alone. Romantic.

Lexi said...

What, no braille on the bottles?

Tink said...

That's the stupidest marketing I've ever heard! I think they should make it extra easy and shape the bottles like a penis and a boob.

Theresa said...

Anything other than plain ol' KY gives me the itchies :(

Simply Jenn said...

Haha! Pretty darn bad packaging, isn't it? (The lube, not your husband)

Belated congrats on J-Bear's black belt. I wonder how long my minions will continue past yellow.

Tara R. said...

That is hilarious! I love the cell phone night light... priceless.

abritdifferent said...

That made me laugh out loud. You are so funny!

Karmyn R said...

heh heh heh. So - would it have really mattered if you had switched them?

Lil Mouse said...

that's hilarious! could they make it any more complicated. jeez.

Janet said...

I saw that stuff in the store but when you live in a small town you ALWAYS run into someone you know. Next thing there are rumours going around about your wild wife-swapping orgies. And you're afraid someone you know will call you up to find out when the next one is.

Veronica said...

I can just imagine it.

Like the time I was trying to get some lube out onto my hand, missed my hand and ended up squirting half the bottle of lube over Nat's back.

Don't ask *how* it happened, to this day I don't know. It took us a long time to get back to business too.

texasholly said...

This is very funny. And I think of you every time I see this product. Nice. Kinda ruins the mood, but totally worth it.

THANKS FOR LINKING TODAY!

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

Ha ha ha ha! We actually just got this stuff and had a somewhat similar conversation - only we didn't get a whole lot out of the crap anyways. We were like, uh, ok. All that fuss for THAT?!? Very funny!

Connie said...

I just laughed so hard I peed my pants!!!

That reminds me....tonight is Wednesday. It's business time!

Eudea-Mamia said...

You ALL are incredibly hilarious!!

Glad I visited from Holly's Mr. Linky. I so needed the laugh - and the validation that my decision to forgo this experiment with Hubby was correct.

Thanks for the money saving tip - you know, recession and all, gotta cut corners somewhere.

Em

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