Wednesday, December 24, 2008

An ode to Hanukkah, or how my children again prove their comic worth

'Twas the first night of Hanukkah, and the start of my poem,
When the Planet folk gathered for dinner at home.

The candles were placed in the menorah with care
In the hopes that no wax would drip on the chair.

The children arrived with their usual aplomb
And this time, we hoped no one would drop a bomb.

And Wonderhubs in his t-shirt and I in my sweats
had just settled up all our gift-giving debts.

When out in the family room there arose such a clatter
We sprang from the kitchen to see what was the matter.

And what did my horrified eyes see? This surely blows:
It was Rocky with his finger up Drama King's nose!

Boys! Behave! I said with a shout,
with a force that could blow the candles right out.

It's time now for presents, I said, without shame,
And I whistled and shouted and called them by name:

Here, Drummer, here Z-man, and Drama King too.
And here is a present for dear little Roo.

For J-bear, here's one that will give you great pleasure,
And Rocky, a gift card! Buy something you'll treasure.

For Fabulous Girlfriend (who didn't quite make it),
A gift card for you too (Drummer Man, will you take it?)

The gifts were all opened and everyone thanked.
It was THEN that the evening (as usual) tanked.

The Roo-girl displayed her giftie from Z:
A stuffed mustache pillow! So useful ... you see?

The pillow was joined by her last-year's gift:
A glass rooster -- and the rejoinders were swift!

"Look!" the boys cried. "Look," they all mocked.
"Look, on the table ... it's the Roo-girl's cock!!"

I spoke not a word, but went straight to my work
And smacked those bad boys. Hey, it's a mother's perk.

The rooster was beaten, knocked over -- a shock!
"No," shouted Roo-girl, "don't break my cock!"

Hilarity reigned until no one could breathe,
And continued until it was past time to leave.

But no, dear readers, do not despair.
I do have one more pearl of wisdom to share.

With wrapping and ribbons and sparkles galore,
My children at last knew that there was no more.

But Z-man was riffing about tidings so gay,
And about the detritis, he had this to say:

"Glitter," he opined, "is the herpes of craft.
"You can never get rid of it ..." and everyone laughed.

Then I pointed my finger -- you know the one --
And told them with that crack? They were officially DONE.

So they sprang to their feet, gave their old mom a kiss
And away they all flew, just like nothing was amiss.

And I whispered to Wonderhubs as they all drove away:
Happy Hanukkah to all, and to all an OY VEY!!!!


Suzanne said...

Brava! Brava!

Kaytabug said...

LOL! That was AWESOME! What skills you have!!
oy vey!!


Auds at Barking Mad said...


I've been gone from your planet far too long. For that you can thank a browser upgrade that decided to vomit all of my bookmarks into cyberspace.

I've missed your candid humour and your tidbits about your family. And like WOAHHHH have you had some huge tidbits recently! But as always, you've handled it with grace and humour, one of the many reasons I love your blog.

You have some mad skills mama! Keep 'em coming!

Happy Hanukkah!

Momisodes said...

*stands and applauds*

That...was awesome.

Happy Hanukkah!

Rachael said...

I love your family and your antics! Happy Hanukkah!

Debbie said...

Now THAT was a poem. Haikus my a$$ - this is what I like to see. Great, great job. You outdid yourself and made my morning at the same time.

Burgh Baby said...

That? Was spectacular. Perhaps you need to do more posts in rhyme.

*bows to your genius*

Happy Hanukkah, Christmas, Holidays, Christmukkah, Solstice, and everything in between!

Kristi said...

That poem is fantastic!! Maybe next year you could adopt me? Your family gatherings are too fun to miss out on!!!

Dory said...

That was absolutely fabulous! Really, you're SO talented!


Eternal Sunshine said...

You are the MASTER!

I am in awe of your family get-togethers AND your poem writing skills.

**Standing Ovation**

Hope you had a Happy Hanukkah!

songbird's crazy world said... could give Adam Sandler a run for his money...

Happy Chanuka

Janet said...

Happy Hanukkah!!!

Daisy said...

:) I love your family's humor!

Rachel said...

Freaking Fantastic! I love your family ;-)

Happy Hanukkah darlin'.

Bobbie Leigh said...

That was fantastic! Don't worry, I'm not a stalker, I came over from Nikki's page.
Merry Christmas!

ClumberKim said...

damn...we need you in our neighborhood. would love to see what you'd do with a menorah mobile.

Crazed Mom said...

Hahahahahahahaha. Damn. Wish I could have visited. Very funny as ususal. HUGZ

jodifur said...

thats hysterical!

Molly said...

He,he... happy Hanukkah to you dearest Janet.

Gabbi said...

That was great! Totally made my night, and my night needed making!

Bless you!


Karen said...

You are just so creative! and it sounds like there is so much fun around your house.

Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Karen said...

Well versed! Your family is such a riot.

Jack said...

Well done. Chag Sameach.

Mirth said...

Love it!

melissa said...

you are pure genius. that...was the best ode ever!!

Huckdoll said...


Kelley said...

Bravo. Or Brava. Or whatever.

That was freaking AWESOME!

I, the Ninja, bow to YOUR awesomeness...

You totally rock.

secret agent mama said...

I absolutely LOVED this, Janet!

Happy Hanukkah!

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

I glanced at this & told myself I needed to go back and read it. You were right. The PERFECT POJ post. Wit, wisdom, those blog fodder giving chillens, and a menorah. Loves you, pumpkin - and if I ever convert, I'm joining your fam.

Jaina said...

Too funny. And please forgive my faux pas in wishing you Merry Christmas about 5 minutes ago on that other post. :/ I hope you had a very Happy Hanukkah! :)

Trannyhead said...

I so. SOOO. want to join your family.

That is all.

Janet said...

You do not disappoint. the "herpes of craft" knocked me out.

And to do it in poetry, well, that was just inspired.

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