When the Planet folk gathered for dinner at home.
The candles were placed in the menorah with careIn the hopes that no wax would drip on the chair.
The children arrived with their usual aplombAnd this time, we hoped no one would drop a bomb.
And Wonderhubs in his t-shirt and I in my sweats
had just settled up all our gift-giving debts.
When out in the family room there arose such a clatter
We sprang from the kitchen to see what was the matter.
And what did my horrified eyes see? This surely blows:
It was Rocky with his finger up Drama King's nose!
with a force that could blow the candles right out.
It's time now for presents, I said, without shame,
And I whistled and shouted and called them by name:
Here, Drummer, here Z-man, and Drama King too.
And here is a present for dear little Roo.
For J-bear, here's one that will give you great pleasure,
And Rocky, a gift card! Buy something you'll treasure.
For Fabulous Girlfriend (who didn't quite make it),
A gift card for you too (Drummer Man, will you take it?)
The gifts were all opened and everyone thanked.
It was THEN that the evening (as usual) tanked.
The Roo-girl displayed her giftie from Z:
A stuffed mustache pillow! So useful ... you see?
The pillow was joined by her last-year's gift:
A glass rooster -- and the rejoinders were swift!
"Look!" the boys cried. "Look," they all mocked.
"Look, on the table ... it's the Roo-girl's cock!!"
I spoke not a word, but went straight to my work
And smacked those bad boys. Hey, it's a mother's perk.
The rooster was beaten, knocked over -- a shock!
"No," shouted Roo-girl, "don't break my cock!"
Hilarity reigned until no one could breathe,
And continued until it was past time to leave.
But no, dear readers, do not despair.
I do have one more pearl of wisdom to share.
With wrapping and ribbons and sparkles galore,
My children at last knew that there was no more.
But Z-man was riffing about tidings so gay,
And about the detritis, he had this to say:
"Glitter," he opined, "is the herpes of craft.
"You can never get rid of it ..." and everyone laughed.
Then I pointed my finger -- you know the one --
And told them with that crack? They were officially DONE.
So they sprang to their feet, gave their old mom a kiss
And away they all flew, just like nothing was amiss.
And I whispered to Wonderhubs as they all drove away: