Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Happy New Year ... from me to you

May you be inscribed in the book of life for a good and sweet year ...

Monday, September 29, 2008

Txting means nvr having 2 say ur srry

Mi dauter wil nvr no how to spel.

c u l8r at Mid-Century Modern Moms.

Fun Monday: the show me your closet edition

Young Cassie, the daughter of Alison from RDH Mom, has brought the Fun Monday hosting duties to the second generation.

She wants to peek into our closets. I suspect it's to make her feel better about the condition of her own!

Here are her own words:
Calling all Bloggers!! I'm hosting the next Fun Monday and here is my assignment:

I want to see the inside of your closet!! I want to see if your closet is as messy as mine!!! You can't organize it before you take the picture!!
Well, Miss Cassie, I am not willing to bare all to the internets.

Which is why I am breaking the rules a smidgen (a la Swampy) to give you an edited peek into my closet. I want to show you some things in my closet that never cease to make me smile!

Make me smile No. 1:

This is my bouquet from my wedding to Wonderhubby five-plus years ago. One of the happiest moment of my life, for sure. Having the bouquet hanging in my closet makes me smile every time.

Make me smile No. 2:

Huh? What is THAT? Well, let me tell you. Two years ago, for Valentine's Day, I wrote up about 15 little love notes and put them everywhere. In his pants pocket. In his wallet. In his work truck. Inside his phone.

And in the closet was the one that you see in this photo.

Still there. Two years later.

See? It makes me smile.

Now go see if other Fun Monday'ers were willing to show off their messy closets. I'm hoping someone is messier than me. It'll make me feel better!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Weekly Winners: September 21-27

A little bit of this, a little bit of that ...

My new desk ...

... Where my feet don't touch the floor:

Rushing water:

Every rose has its thorns:

She flies through the air with the greatest of ease:

Go --->here<--- for more weekly winners.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

We're movin' on up

I have experienced an interesting phenomenon this week.

My company has moved out of the building it has owned for more than 20 years and now occupies rented office space in a corporate park a few blocks away.

It's hard for me to write about this without, frankly, sending up flares and posting neon signs with arrows pointing down, saying "Janet works here."

So this post is going to get written, it will stay up for a bit, and then I probably will take it down.

Meantime, here is a little stream of consciousness about leaving a place that I have lived in for 20 years.

I was pregnant with three babies while we were in that building. I gave birth to my Z-man, divorced, dated, got engaged, miscarried, remarried, had my Roo-girl, went through hell, came out the other side, met the man of my dreams, married him and rode off into the sunset.

The old building was dingy. It was dirty, after 20-plus years of ink and newsprint. There were no windows.

The new building is new. It's fresh. There are windows that let in light, and our second-story view of the foliage makes it look like we are perched in a treehouse.

The old building was like a pair of old shoes. You know they are ugly and worn, but they are the ones you're used to and and they're comfortable and you know all the places where they're threadbare and can, therefore, work around them.

The new building is like a new pair of pretty heels. They're all shiny and sparkly. But after a few minutes in them, your feet hurt.

In my case, my feet don't touch the floor.


The desks are a little higher in the new place. And in order to be tall enough to place my hands comfortably on the computer keyboard, I have to pump my chair up so high that ... my feet dangle.

I feel like Edith Ann.

I feel like an Edith Ann who works in an insurance office.

Not a newspaper.

I'm sure with time, I will adjust. I know it's a better place for us to live and work.

It's just different.

And different can take a long time to get used to.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Haiku Friday: the proud and the terrified edition

Haiku Friday

Oh daughter of mine,

the reason that my hair is

prematurely gray.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Yours, mine ... and oh. my. GAWD!

I am not shy.

Well, that's not true. I'm actually BRUTALLY shy in person, but on the internet, I've been known to blab.

A little.

Well, maybe more than a little, but never mind that part.

Not long ago, I posted about ... ahem ... personal lubricant. I'd look it up, but it's late and I'm tired and, people, REALLY. It's personal. And, uh, lubricant.

I think I'm stream-of-conscious'ing here. Back on topic, dudette.

Ok. Lube.

Also not long ago, Catwoman described an evening of "marital relations" with a new his-and-hers kind of thing, called (cleverly) Yours and Mine.

It comes in two separate bottles, one for him to use on her and one for her to use on him.

They're color-coded, see? One is blue, one is purple. One for him and one for her. Used in tandem, the combination is supposed to be (and I quote) "thrilling" for both of you.

But here's the problem:

Have you ever tried to figure out the difference between blue and purple IN THE DARK?

Plus, the writing on these suckers are teeny. And it doesn't say HIS and HERS. It's says YOURS and MINE.

Well, hell. Who is who here? You? Me? Her? Him? WTF???

I really wanted to give you a detailed review of what "thrilling" really means in the Casa de Janet's Planet, but ... uh ... the bedroom scene really went more like this:

Wonderhubby: You want to use some ... uh ...?

Evil Wife: We have that two-fer stuff, if you want to use that.

Wonderhubby: *reaching into the nightstand drawer for the two tubes of thrill* Which one is which again?

Evil Wife: *squinting in the dark* I can never remember which one is which. What does it say on the bottles?

Wonderhubby: Wait, what is Yours? Is that mine? Or is that really yours? Is that yours for me or yours for you?

Evil Wife: WHAT???????

Wonderhubby: Wait. Is blue for you? Or is blue for me? Is this the blue one? Or is that really purple? I can't see the color, and I cant see what it says. Can you see what it says?

Evil Wife: Wait wait wait. If it says Mine, is that for me or is that for you? Does this say Mine?

Wonderhubby: Wait. Is purple for you or for me?

Evil Wife: *totally ruining the mood* Oh, turn on the freakin' light, for crap's sake.

Instead, Wonderhubby reached for his cell phone.

What? You gonna make a call?

But no. He flipped it open and used the light from the phone to illuminate a blue tube labeled "Yours (for him)" and a purple tube labeled "Mine (for her)."

And I gotta tell ya, at this point? I had given in to hysterical, maniacally uncontrollable laughter.

It took a loooooooong time to get back to business.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Food for thought

The scene: on the way into Ihop for a delicious evening meal

Evil Mother: I love having breakfast for dinner

Wonderhubby: You could have dinner for breakfast, but who does that?

The Roo-girl: Me. I do that all the time.

Evil Mother: This is true. You are the leftover queen in the mornings.

Wonderhubby: Ok, so if you have breakfast for dinner and dinner for breakfast, what do you have for lunch?

The Roo-girl: DESSERT!!!!

Ah, yes, if I had any doubt, she just proved that she truly IS my daughter.

Monday, September 22, 2008

The karate kid

Yesterday, I showed photos of J-bear earning and receiving her black belt in karate.

Today, I'm at Mid-Century Modern Moms, giving her the credit she is due.

Stop by, would ya? And leave her some congratulations!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Weekly Winners: September 14-20

Rah rah ree!
Kick 'em in the knee!
Rah rah rass!
Kick 'em in the other knee!!!!!

All that is just a mild introduction to the sports scene at the Planet of Janet.

Yes, it's football season, which means the cheerleaders are out in force. The Roo-girl had her first opportunity to perform on the varsity field, in front of God and everybody.

No, she is not a varsity cheerleader as a freshman. But she is junior varsity, as well as a member of the varsity competition squad. And as part of the team, they performed their successful routine from the summer cheer camp.

As as the official obnoxious mom, I made sure I was there to capture it on film. And no, I could NOT find my zoom lens, so you have to make do with grainy.

Next week, I'm going to her JV game to watch her actually do the spirit thing. There will be more photos then, especially since I can get closer.

Anyway, here she is in all her glory:

Oh wait, that's just the back of her head, with that perfect pony tail that I may have to kill her for. (Ah, the jealousy from the curly-headed mama!)

What goes up ...

... Must come down!

Reflective moment after a successful evening

Not to be outdone, our favorite J-bear took to the karate mats again and *insert trumpet fanfare here* earned herself an honest-to-goodness BLACK BELT!!!

A blur of action:

Kick her when she's down:

Yes, she broke boards -- four-deep!

Those boards never had a chance:

Freshly belted:

New black belt walking ...

The first time she accepted the bows of the lower ranks and the other black belts:

And that's our sports report for today. Tune in again tomorrow for the up-to-the-minute weather report and other zzzzz-worthy stories.

But first go --->here<--- for more weekly winners.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Haiku Friday: the "he knows me too well" edition

Haiku Friday

Oh, Wonderhubby ...
Are you all alone? Because
I have a secret!

Put your ear closer
to the phone, and I'll whisper
it to you alone:

Don't tell anyone ...
but I'm not wearing any
panties! *giggle grin*

Then he laughs at me:
"That's because you forgot to
pack them for the gym."

Ah! Romance! Myst'ry!
Apparently that vanished
with my memory.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Crazy is as crazy does. And boy, do we ever ...

God, I do love the Drama King. He makes me laugh.

Which is a good thing, because sometimes? He ticks me off major.

But for the most part, he and I are the same kind of crazy.

Witness this recent wide-ranging instant messaging conversation between the two of us.

It started when he IM'd me out of the blue, apparently panicked by where he found himself one night:

Drama King: Save me!

Evil Mother: lol from what?

Drama King: I am in the belly of the beast!

Evil Mother: where is that?

Drama King: A coffee shop at Enemy University

*Editor's note: There is are only two colleges I root for: my own alma mater and whoever is playing Enemy University. My parents went to the cross-town rival. I was raised to hate that other place. No lie*

Evil Mother: ewwwwwwwww

Drama King: Woe!

Evil Mother: get out! get out!

Drama King: Rocky is DJing at a party, and I am his official roady!

Evil Mother: at enemy university??? horrible

Drama King: Sadness

Drama King: *woe*

Evil Mother: run!!!!!

Drama King: he knows he doesn't have to worry about me tho, cuz I would never date an EU student.

Evil Mother: ROFL

Drama King:

Evil Mother: you are indeed a son of my loins

Drama King: I should hope so. Although perhaps you should keep your loins to yourself.

Evil Mother: i wasn't really planning to share them with YOU

Drama King: And believe me, I appreciate that.

Drama King:

Evil Mother: believe me... you were there once. and that was ENOUGH for me

Drama King: And too much for me.

Evil Mother: eh. you dont remember

Drama King: I remember enough

Evil Mother: *shudder*

Drama King: Loins I say! Loins!

Evil Mother: you had a big head

Evil Mother: you STILL have one.

Drama King: Hmmm... genetics much?

Evil Mother: not me, your majesty

Drama King: My majesty? Drama King, master of the universe?

Evil Mother: swelled head much?

Drama King: THAT one I DID inherit from you, tyvm

Drama King: *hides*

Evil Mother: *snort*

Evil Mother: *beats obnoxious son with a clue-by-four*
*an expression I can't take credit for. I learned it on Plurk one night

Drama King: Don't do that to Roo-girl!*
*a reference to the continuing tease by all three brothers that Roo will turn into a boy on her next birthday. They started when she was 7 and every year bumped up the deadline. Sigh.

Evil Mother: you are so mean to your sister

Drama King: No I'm not! I like J-bear!

*Insert generally uninteresting conversational interlude about Z-man's visit to an eye doctor about how wonked his vision is. But this is a topic for another day*

Evil Mother: he uses one eye for distance and one for close. without thinking about it ....

Evil Mother: the brain is an amazing thing

Drama King: For a second I thought you said the (insert Rocky's real name here) is an amazing thing.

Evil Mother: ROFL

Evil Mother: i dont want to know about the happy penis dance again

Drama King: You should ask Wonderhubby to demonstrate. Its an instinctual thing

Evil Mother: oh shit i dont want to know about anyone's happy penis dance. instinctual?????

Evil Mother: eeek

Drama King: Hehe

Evil Mother: is it like jumping jacks?

Drama King: No. No. No.

Evil Mother: <--- is shamefully stupid, she guesses

Drama King: Why do you open such doors?

Drama King: I am only human!

Drama King: Incredibly amazing, yes, but still human

Evil Mother: *eyeroll*

Drama King: Don't deny it. You know how nifty I am.

Drama King: You are so jealous.

Drama King: Its ok. Nothing to be ashamed of.

Evil Mother: uh. yeah

Evil Mother: ok

Evil Mother: sure

Drama King: BTW, Twilight is kinda lame.

*Insert squealing of mental brakes as we completely change conversation topics*

Evil Mother: i liked it. did you finish it?

Drama King: Wah wah, I'm clumsy. Wah wah, everyone wants me...

Drama King: No. I'm 1/4 of the way through. Bella aggravates me.

Evil Mother: dont you want to be taken by edward, though?

Drama King: Not especially. Miss Meyer is not much with the description. He's got bronze hair and color changing eyes. Big whoop.

Evil Mother: oh but he's so ROMANTIC!

Evil Mother: *swoon*

Drama King: You're such a GIRL

Drama King:

Evil Mother: yeah, well that worked out well for YOU

Drama King: Lol, well... you know... that and the whole good in the sack thing.

Drama King: *waves his magical tmi wand*


Drama King: My work here is done.

Evil Mother: for sure

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

If Sarah Palin were my mother ...

The world must stop spinning on its axis while we take a moment to determine what our names might be if we were birthed by vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

She of Trig, Track, Piper, Willow and Bristol.

Try this:

The Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator.

Based on this truly scientific venture, my new name is Smoke Strapon Palin.

You may call me Smokin'.

Uh, Strapon??? Seriously? Oh brother!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Sing a song ...

On Sunday, I shared a photo of me doing the massive solo (for which I am the understudy). Due to an outpouring of interest (*snort*), I turned the tape recording I had into an mp3 (technology is my friend) and am posting it for everyone to hear and critique.


I should point out that technology wasn't ENTIRELY my friend, as I managed to figure out how to muck up the works and record over the beginning of the song. My brilliant song stylings are gone forever, but the rest of the thing is intact.

This is actually a chorus rehearsal recording, done by Z-man. It's not clean, or particularly pretty. But it is what I have for the moment.


Monday, September 15, 2008

Privacy: Hers, mine ... and ours

I'm at Mid-Century Modern Moms today (and every Monday!), waxing rhapsodic about whether or not 14-year-old girls and their evil mothers have the same right to privacy when it comes to their bodies.

Can you guess which side of that debate I'm on?

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Weekly Winners: September 6-13

Today's winners of the week are an eclectic mix of here, there and everywhere.

Sparkle, farkle, little tree ...

A boy and his fish dish:

Boba (no, I don't know either):
OK, now THIS is weird stuff. There's nothing like CHEWING your smoothie!!!

Looking out the window:

Me, me, me, me ...:

Got the chance to do "the big solo" at chorus, which involved some ladder climbing.
Yeah, I rock like that! (Z-man shot this before we left for the airport.)

For more weekly winners, go --->here<---

Friday, September 12, 2008

Haiku Friday: the empty-nest edition

Haiku Friday

Oh please allow me
just one more pity party:
I so miss my boy.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Frere Z-man, DORMez-vous?

We wrap up our 27-part series on college moving-in with a pictorial essay.

Z-man has a single room this year. It is a jack-and-jill setup with another room with two guys in it (and you have not heard funny until you overhear two manly-man voices in the next room discussing not football, but creme fraiche and the delectibleness of blueberry crumble).

Anyway, they share a bathroom and a little kitchenette thingy. Perfect for three culinary students, no? Cooking gourmet feasts for each other?

Which, I'm sure, TOTALLY explains why I bought Z-man peanut butter, Sugar Smacks, pudding cups and, of course, a zillion packages of ramen at the grocery store Monday night.

Ah, well, he'll be eating pretty well anyway. Dorm food at a culinary school is -- ahem -- not like the dorm food that I remember. And the food lab students feed each other lunch. The poor dear was served chateaubriand and other high-fallutin' dishes last year.

Wait, now. Didn't I say I was doing a pictorial?? Guess I just can't stop talking when I start ...

OK, pictures.

Yes, it's a bare room. And check out that fabulous lumpy mattress!

Omigod, there is SO much stuff. And you can't really see all of it.

The boy unpacks. What a multi-talented creature he is!

The walls are still bare (solution coming soon) but everything is off the floor. We'll see how long THAT lasts.

Let us not forget that this is the messiest child I have. Drama King gives him a run for his money, but I think the Z'ster is the actual winner. I'm guessing the dresser will vomit everything out by the end of the week.

Thank you all for your hugs and good wishes both here and on Plurk, as my baby boy flies from the nest yet again.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008


If you already haven't, see my post from yesterday at Mid-Century Modern Moms. It will certainly put you in the proper mood to read THIS one.

I can get into trouble ANYWHERE. Especially in a hotel room with a single king-sized bed -- that was to be shared by mother and son.

Oh, see? There's a couch!

Evil Mother: Ah. Then you can enjoy the couch-ness.

Z-man: I will TOTALLY enjoy the couchness.

Evil Mother: Meanwhile, I have to pee.

*wait for it*

Evil Mother: And I will totally enjoy my pee-ness.

Z-man: Bwahahahahahahahahaa! *rolls on the floor, gasping for breath* Bwahahahahahahahahahaa!

OK, it's been three days now, and he's still laughing about it. I'm hopeless.

Monday, September 8, 2008

College daze

As I write this, I am less than 24 hours from accompanying my youngest son back for his second year of culinary school.

As you read this, we are already there.

As I write this, I have high hopes that he will love school this year.

As you read this, he steps into his first classroom of the first semester -- and then we'll see.

As I write this, I am treasuring the last few precious moments of his presence at home.

As you read this, I am letting go of my precious manchild -- with difficulty.

As I write this, I don't know how I feel about sending him back to school for another year.

As you read this, I'm sure I will have figured that out the hard way, and many tears will have been shed.

By both of us.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Weekly Winners: August 30 - September 6

Taking center stage today is Z-man's birthday dinner. (Click the link only if you don't have delicate sensibilities!)

Anyway, teppan tables are very entertaining. Lots of knives, flames, flying vegetables. Fun for everyone.

See the onion tower. See the onion tower burst into flames:

Hands moving faster than the eye can see:

Two who do NOT like chopsticks:

Seriously, take a very close look at the Roo-girl's face. She. does. not. do. chopsticks!

Maturity 2.0:

I guess this one DOES do chopsticks. Sigh.

And the obligatory Roo-girl portrait:

She graciously allowed me to shoot on the third day of school.
If you didn't see how she responded to the second day, check this out.

For more weekly winners, go --->here<---

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Sinking the friendship

Girls are not nice to each other.

The end.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Haiku Friday: the new book edition

Haiku Friday

Her nose is buried
in a new paperback book,
studying each page.

"Ha ha ha ha ha!"
Roo giggles hysteric'ly.
"Ha ha ha ha ha!"

"I just LOVE this book ...
It is my new favorite,
other than 'Twilight.' "

What is this treasure,
you might ask? It's quite special:
French dictionary.

I laugh too -- because
she is looking up bad words.
And she found them too!

I'm so proud that she
can go back to her French class
and swear a blue streak.
All Rights Reserved. Planet of Janet, 2010.