Friday, October 31, 2008

Haiku Friday: the treat without the trick edition

Haiku Friday

Roo likes Halloween
even though she's so grown up.
But this year she's sad.

A Friday night trick
has taken the treat away:
Football games come first.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Birthday dinner: like a car wreck on the highway, you just can't look away

Wonderhubby celebrated his birthday on Oct. 14.

Wait. Let's rephrase that. Wonderhubby's birthday was Oct. 14.

He CELEBRATED with me and the kids on Wednesday. It seriously took more than two weeks for all of us to be in the same zip code and for J-bear to NOT be at work all at the same time.

We suck. But at least we're cute, so that counts for something, right?

Moving on ... so we had dinner. Roo-girl, Drama King, J-bear, Wonderhubby and me. Drummer Man was otherwise occupied and the significant others were elsewhere as well. (And Z-man is still at school.)

Let me point out the obvious again.

We had dinner. The Planet family. Dinner. Are you afraid yet?

Let us begin:

Evil Mother: Drama King, are you and Rocky gonna get married? You only have a couple more days before that could go away.

Drama King: There's not enough time. It's not exactly like we could run away to Las Vegas.

The Roo-girl: Why not?

Drama King: *smirking* IT'S NOT LEGAL IN NEVADA.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Drama King: I can't believe what I did today.

Evil Mother: What?

Drama King: I'm really so ashamed.

Evil Mother: *eyebrows raised* What did you do?

Drama King: Well, I didn't want to drive all the way home and then back here for dinner, so after work, I went to the mall.

Evil Mother: Seems relatively normal ...

Drama King: And I saw a movie.

Evil Mother: Uh-oh.

Drama King: "High School Musical 3."

The Roo-girl: Oh, DK, I'm SO disappointed in you.

Evil Mother: Dude, I know you're gay, but "High School Musical 3"?? That's kinda above and beyond ...

Drama King: It was either that or "Quarantine," and that's a remake of a Spanish film and I know how that ended. EVERYBODY DIES. I don't like movies where everyone dies. It's so pointless. And then that would have been two hours I never would get back.

Evil Mother: And "High School Musical" was two hours you WOULD?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Wonderhubby: I'll have a root beer.

Drama King: Likewise.

Wonderhubby: BUDWEISER??

Evil Mother: *falls off the chair laughing*

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

J-bear: Do you still have the photos from black-belt testing?

Evil Mother: Of course. I have a whole folder on my laptop.

J-bear: Can you send them to me?

Wonderhubby: Why don't you put them on a CD? Or better yet, a memory stick. We have an extra one if you need it.

J-bear: I have one.

Drama King: I have a stick ...

Evil Mother: Oh please, stop.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Drama King: What kind of sweater does a pirate wear?

The Roo-girl: Arrrrrrr-gyle.

Drama King: What is a pirate's favorite fast-food restaurant?

Evil Mother: Arrrrrrrr-by's.

Drama King: I don't know why everyone always says that. It's actually Long John Silver's.

*insert unanimous booing here*

Drama King: I wonder why they call him Long John Silver ...

Evil Mother: Uhhhhh ...

Drama King: Never mind. I don't think we need to go there.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

And so we celebrated with craziness.

Situation normal.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Random acts of blondness, part the seventh (and a treat for the tatas)

At a local restaurant, where Evil Mother is ravishingly hungry and the food is uncharacteristically delayed:

Evil Mother: *growling* I. AM. HUNGRY.

The Roo-girl: Easy, now. Patience is a virtue.

Evil Mother: *eyeroll*

The Roo-girl: Of course, I have NO idea what a virtue is. But it seemed appropriate.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Roo-girl: The Jonas Brothers are revolting. I hate them.

Evil Mother: Oh?

The Roo-girl: Yeah, I hate them because everyone is obsessed with them.

Wonderhubby: Ohhhh. Is THAT why?

The Roo-girl: Yes. When people say "Oh my Jonas," I want to barf.

Wonderhubby: Oh my what??

The Roo-girl: You know, like "oh my God."


The Roo-girl: Of course, I say "oh my Cullen," but that's different.

Wonderhubby and Evil Mother: *burst into synchronized hysterics*

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


On a more serious subject, let's talk about tatas.

Yes, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and Rachel at From the Land of Monkeys and Princesses is doing something very special.

She is donating the proceeds from her ad revenues for this month to breast cancer research, AND she is running a rawkin' giveaway.

So head here to get in on the fun, and click a few more of her blog pages. You know, so she can up the total for her donation.

The month is almost over, but you can still help. Go forth and click.



Monday, October 27, 2008

Let 'em eat cake

Check out Mid-Century Modern Moms today, where I am helping celebrate the site's first blogoversary!

Fun Monday: the Halloween edition

The very lovely (and not at all scary) Sayre, who Smiles is the hostess for Fun Monday this week. I haven't played in a few weeks, but when I saw what she wanted us to do, I jumped right on the bandwagon.

In keeping with the arrival of Halloween this week, she asked us to do this:

Tell us about your favorite Halloween as a kid (pictures, if you have them!), and show us your costume for this year. If you're not dressing up, show us a picture of a pumpkin carving that really tickled your fancy or how you decorated your house.
Heh. Halloween. I loved Halloween as a kid. And also as a mom. There is nothing like dressing yourself up (or your kid) and begging for candy from strangers.

I haven't dressed up myself in awhile, although I have gone to a couple of pretty amazing Halloween theme parties over the years. There are no photos of those, but I will say that one -- a "Young Frankenstein" party in October 2000 -- was instrumental in the meeting-Wonderhubby story.

I was dressed as a horse for that party. (If you recall, every time anyone said "Frau Blucher" in that movie, the horses neighed. I'm so clever! But not so clever that I could find the photos from that event.)

It was someone at that party who suggested my girlfriend and I karaoke at the Mexican restaurant where Wonderhubby and I ultimately connected.

Anyway, I'm getting a little far afield from the challenge here. So let's get back to me and Halloween.

I don't have a costume for this year. I don't intend to have a costume this year. But that doesn't mean I wasn't absolutely adorable in the past.

Going with the dorky before the adorable, though, we have this peek into my past. When I was 10, I went to a Halloween party where we were supposed to dress up the way we thought we would look 20 years in the future.

For some reason, in 1963, I seemed to believe that I would be a martian in 1983.

Um, yeah. Dork patrol, anyone? (For the record, in 1983, I was busy gestating my second child. I didn't look anything like this. Nor did I have antennae.)

Moving on -- or more like moving back -- to when I was 5.

NOW we're talking adorable. Even my husband, who laughed himself SICK at the martian photo, agreed that I was a precious princess.

That's all I got here. Don't forget to check out the rest of the costumed crowd for Fun Monday.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Weekly Winners: October 19-25

A rose is a rose is a rose:

Turning over a new leaf:

Guess what this is:

Oh, and this:

A distant obsession:


Cheerleaders + water + t-shirts + FIRETRUCKS?????

Go --->here<--- for more weekly winners.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Haiku Friday: the wow can they TALK edition

Haiku Friday

Wow, girls talk a lot
when they are all together.
Did I say ... A LOT???

I'm trapped in a car
with three cheerleaders gone wild!
Oh please make it stop!

"She's such a slut-ho."
"Did you see them sucking face???"
"I'm so over her ..."

"I don't do homework."
"I'm not going to college."

"My job really sucks."
"Did you see her ugly dress?"
"That guy is SO hot!"

They can't stop talking,
And I can't hear myself think.
Blah blah blah blah blah!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Parlez-vous Youtube??

There are all kinds of solutions to problems.

Some of them are old school.

Some of them are new school.

And some of them?

Are just plain time-saving genius.

"Oh noooooooooooo," moaned the Roo-girl. "I have a French test tomorrow, and I'm not ready!!!!!"

*Editor's note: Please do NOT lecture me on how she should be taking Spanish instead of French. It was a fruitless argument that I had with her for at least two years before she entered high school. French she wanted, and so, ultimately, French it is.*


"Oh noooooooooooo," moaned the Roo-girl. "I have a French test tomorrow, and I'm not ready!!!!!"

"What is the test on?" asked the concerned (yet always Evil) Mother.

"The French alphabet," she whimpered.

"How much of it do you know?"


*Insert heavy maternal sigh here*

"Can you help me? Please? Help me study?"

"Sure, let's start with just saying the letters ..."

And I proceeded to rattle off (slowly) the alphabet in French. Not for nothin' did I have 12 years of French in school!!!

"What??? Wait. Um. I don't get it ..."

*Deep breathing, counting silently to 10 and rethinking takes place here*


"Come with me, my little chickadee," I told my almost-weepy child.

And I led her into my room, where my laptop awaited.

Can I just say this took less than 15 minutes, and she was spot-on perfect?

I love technology.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

We did get a little crazy after that, looking at all kinds of alphabet videos, both French and English, and laughing ourselves silly.

But it wasn't until we got to this one that we came unglued.

It's a sickness.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Wash wash wash your car ...

Cheerleaders really have no business washing cars.

Cuz really? They're not very good at it.

What they are good at is ...

* Giggling.

* Dancing.

* In other words, shaking their booty.

* Throwing water at each other.

* Soaping each other -- thoroughly!

* And attracting more cars than I thought humanly possible.

Why, you ask?

Oh, foolish mortals. Do the math:

Cheerleaders + tee-shirts + water = $$$$$$$$$$

Oh, the cheerleader carwash. What a beautiful thing it is.

*insert laughter -- bordering on hysteria -- here*

Why, yes, the Roo-girl's cheer team DID wash cars this weekend.

Which explains why MY back is killing me this morning -- several days later.

What? You think the cheerleaders did all the work? No, indeed.

They did the soap-soap-soaping of the vehicles (but mostly of each other), and a parent or two manned the rinsing spray hose (although it was brave of them to stand that close to teenage girls armed with soapy, wet sponges).

Then a bunch of the rest of us were given towels with which to dry said vehicles. In my three-hour shift, I firmly believe I wiped down about 500 cars -- and a firetruck.

And wiping down they needed, too, since, when they got to us dryers, there were still little remnants of tree whatevers and bird pooty.

Oh, and soap suds.

But everyone knows that when cheerleaders wash your car, you have to get a REAL carwash later, right?

Because it's really only about giggling, dancing, soap suds and wet tee-shirts.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Paix, pax, paz, Frieden, shalom, vrede, pace

I am at Mid-Century Modern Moms today.

And life is good ...

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Weekly Winners: October 12-18

A look into the world around me this week:

Oh what a tangled web we weave ...

Itsy-bitsy spider, my ass!!!

This guy is actually GINORMOUS ... and hiding out in a leafy condo.

Pretty in pink ...

What??? A different fountain????

Caught in mid-fount ...

Go --->here<--- for more weekly winners.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Haiku Friday: the true confession edition

Haiku Friday

I love to play games
either on the computer
or on my iPhone.

Sudoku is fun.
And I really do rock at word games.
I expand my mind.

Sometimes I practice
my ability to add
up to twenty-one.

But how do I spend
most of my iPhone game time?
It's embarrassing.

My index finger
gets a very good workout --
poking the screen to ...

... smush floating cows, pigs,
hippos, kitties, lambies too.
I am so ashamed.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Boys and girls together

The Roo-girl: Omigod, E is so annoying. She's making me SOOO mad

Evil Mother: Why? What is she doing?

The Roo-girl: She has a boyfriend.

Evil Mother and Wonderhubby: *in unison* Ohhhhhhhhh.

The Roo-girl: Yeah. And she is SO obnoxious. That's all she talks about.

Evil Mother: Yeah, so?

The Roo-girl: Well, it's annoying. And everytime they're near each other, there is always a part of them that is touching.

Wonderhubby: Yeah, and? That's the way this works.

The Roo-girl: Well, it's gross. And, like, I started to tell her something really great, and she stopped me and said, "Omigod, N gave me the most AMAZING kiss after lunch."

Evil Mother: Yeah, so?

The Roo-girl: Well ... everybody thinks she's obnoxious.

Wonderhubby: Ya wanna stop her? Take her boyfriend away.

Evil Mother: *snort*

The Roo-girl: WHAT??

Evil Mother: Oh, Roo-girl. You know you shouldn't do THAT ... after all, bros before hos. Or whatever the female version of that should be.

The Roo-girl: Oh, you mean bitches before douchebags?

Perhaps I should have added that to my "Top 10 signs she's growing up" post.

Or not.

My head hurts.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Top 10 signs she's really growing up *edited*

10. Quite honestly,

9. does it matter

8. that there really

7. aren't 10 signs?

6. Because actually?

5. There was

4. only one ...

3. a BIG one.

2. It was this:

1. Mom, I HAVE to go to school tomorrow. No matter what I say, no matter how sick I am, no matter how much I whine, do NOT let me convince you to let me stay home.

Ah, the joys of watching the baby birds fly from the nest with a sense of personal responsibility.

*edited to add: She had a math test and a mandatory cheer practice. No boys involved!!*

Monday, October 13, 2008

Chief cook and bottle washer ... oh, and chauffeur, banker and mechanic too

I am over at Mid-Century Modern Moms today.

And boy, am I tired of phone calls!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Weekly Winners: October 5-11

Where's the Roo-girl? Nowhere, this week. She's busy with cheer and hiding from my camera lens. So I bring you instead some things around my office:

Flower thing:

High-up leaf thing:

Pipe thing:

Railing thing:

... And more of my fountain obsession:

Go --->here<--- for more weekly winners.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Scenes from Atonement Day 2008 (or 5769)

We were at our synagogue for Yom Kippur services on Thursday. The Roo-girl and I were there together, settling into our seats. This is the Jewish holy day where you ask God's forgiveness for your sins of the past year.

(For the record, the time between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur -- the Days of Awe -- is when you have sought forgiveness for those you have wronged so that God CAN forgive you. This is highly simplified here, but I'm trying to get to the point!)

The Roo-girl: *slipping off her Abercrombie and Fitch flipflops* I have a lot to atone for.

Evil Mother: Yeah?

TRG: Yeah, I have to atone for my $17 flipflops.

Evil Mother: Bwahahahahahahahaaa.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Our congregation does a variation on the Jewish prayer called the Aleinu for Yom Kippur. During this variation, which on this day is called the Grand Aleinu, the cantor and rabbi slowly sink to their knees and end up prostrate on the ground while chanting it.

It's a little hard to explain without it sounding a little odd, but the congregation is encouraged to do the same in the aisles. It's actually a very moving experience, and one that I have participated in several times. This year, I tried to talk the Roo-girl into it.

Evil Mother: Do it with me ...

The Roo-girl: You're wearing pants. I'm wearing a dress.

Evil Mother: DO it with me. It's not like you're wearing a thong ...

The Roo-girl: *crickets chirp*

Evil Mother: Oh, puh-leeeeeze. Under a dress? In temple?? You're NOT!!!

The Roo-girl: ...

Evil Mother: You DO have a lot to atone for.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Haiku Friday: the oh when I was young edition

Haiku Friday

Back when I was small
it was a treat to go to
an ice cream parlor.

Oh no, I don't mean
Baskin-Robbins ... Haagen Dazs ...
the old-fashioned kind.

Red-and-white awning
meant the best hot fudge sundaes,
topped with a cookie.

The special cookie --
tiny almond macaroon --
was the finest treat.

Wil Wright's is long gone,
but today I bought a bag
of fresh macaroons.

Tiny almond ones,
from a local bakery.
I couldn't resist.

I took just one bite
and it all came rushing back ...
I was 8 again.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I think I have lost my mind

I have too much on my plate.

There's work, where the idea of taxing a skeleton staff beyond its limits is commonplace.

There's chorus, which is prepping for a show in a couple weeks and a HUGE competition in just another month.

There's the kids, who need need need. Unless they're nasty, in which case they aggravate aggravate aggravate.

There's cheerleading, which, obviously isn't on MY plate, per se, but the schlep factor involved in getting the Roo-girl to football games, tumbling, pep rallies, car wash ticket-selling opportunities, parades and (soon) competitions is daunting.

There's the rat dogs, who still insist on peeing on the sofa and crapping on the floor. The less said about THAT the better.

There's the house, which has a clutter factor that is making me feel claustrophobic and, at the same time, unable to unable to straighten.

And with all that, I still feel ...


The written word.

The power of the pen.

And the pull of the story that I have carried for 10 years.

November is NaNoWriMo -- National Novel Writing Month.

And in a fit of the crazies, I have signed up.

Signed up to write 50,000 words in a month. Signed up to turn my story into a fictionalized tale.

I have always wanted to do it but was afraid of it. A year-plus of blogging, however, has freed my inhibitions -- and my muse.

What have I got to lose? My sanity, perhaps. Time (sorry, honey, I know this won't thrill you).

I announce this publicly as a way of forcing myself to GO for it and not to give up.

But honestly? Failure is an option.

And I'm ok with that, too.

Monday, October 6, 2008

It's time to look ahead

At last, one of my kids makes me hope for the future.

Visit me at Mid-Century Modern Moms.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Weekly Winners: September 28-October 4

I seem to have a fascination with the fountain outside my office. It's the same running water from last week's Weekly Winners, just from a different angle.

Over the top:

Am I blue?:

Alive ...:

... And dead:

A spot of color:


And you-know-who:

Go --->here<--- for more weekly winners.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Things that go bump in my head

Some things are just too stupid to even think about.

Which is, of course, why I think about -- and obsess about -- them endlessly.

* Like why "they" ordered me a footstool at work so my feet would no longer dangle.

This is what was ordered:

Seem reasonable? Yes, it does. All bumpy and cool and raised up and stuff.

Until you assemble it and put it under your desk.

And your feet still dangle.


* Like the rule about having nothing -- NOTHING, I say -- under your desk in the new office building.

A rule that will be enforced by the new-building nazi. So that if you DO leave something under your desk, it will be confiscated.

Even the box that I had under my desk to put my feet on because the footstool they ordered was too short.


Friday, October 3, 2008

Haiku Friday: the dressing room conversation edition

Haiku Friday

"The cheetah print dress
looked yucky. I already
took it off -- cuz ... 'ew!' "

What was wrong with it?
"It made me look all puffy."
Bummer. It was cute.

Show me anyway ...
Roo-girl, that's adorable!
You don't look puffy.

"I don't? You like it?"
I think you look fantastic.
"Um, I like it too."

It does my heart good
when my opinion can still
sway my little girl.

All Rights Reserved. Planet of Janet, 2010.