Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Birthday dinner: without the birthday and without the family

Hard to believe, but Wonderhubby is capable of having a birthday-equivalent dinner.

All. by. his. lonesome.

Well, I was there, but really the conversation was allll him.

It was after this past weekend's cheer competition. The Roo-girl was going home on the team bus, and we were attempting to sneak in a little dinner out.

Like date night.

Only not.

I really was minding my own business. Kinda literally, I guess, since I had excused myself to go to the bathroom just after our salads had arrived (you know, when you gotta go, you gotta go -- even when you don't like to go when you're out).

Anyway, I came back to the table, and my loving spouse spoke these words:

"You know, the thing about penises ..."

*blink blink blink*

Um, what about penises??? (And if I thought my Google hits were weird before ...)

"Well ... it's not about ... well ... unless you're a two-pump chump. You know -- like 'Uh... Uh... Ohhhhhh ... (pause) Good night.' "

It's a good thing I hadn't started eating that salad yet, because truly, choking on spinach leaves is SO unattractive.

And no, I really don't know what prompted this monologue. I really don't.

Gotta love him, though.

36 comments:

SgtSudsWife said...

Hahaha OH.MY.GOODNESS I am laughing so hard.

wright said...

Too funny! I so want to know what prompted this speech. Hope the rest of your date was better!

Karen said...

You mean he wasn't even talking to anyone? He just brought it up, just like that?!

Men.

Indigo said...

I think your husband and my Paul are related. Once while we were out to a Diner. When I excused myself to go to the restroom, Paul showed a sign (ASL American sign language) to the waitress and told her it meant good food (or something like that, don't quite remember the exact phrase).

Imagine my surprise when I come back to my table and the woman is making the sign for sex. I got this stunned look on my face, wondering what exactly did she think I was doing in there.

Paul finally fessed up and told the waitress what the sign really meant. I'm surprised she didn't clobber him upside the head. (Hugs)Indigo

LceeL said...

He did to you what SWMBO does to me All. The. Time. You walk away and come back to the middle of some mental conversation which you have NO IDEA has been going on and you're included, right then and there, like you've been there all along.

"Two hump chump", huh? That's hilarious.

Burgh Baby said...

He wasn't even on the phone? Cause, wow! That might be the best monologue of all time. He needs his own late show!

Natalie said...

wow! that is amazing. two pump chump. i've never heard it called that! i agree with burgh baby! he needs his own show!

Junebug said...

And was that the "climax" of the conversation?

justmylife said...

Men are the best entertainment sometimes. You never know what they might say, much like children.

Debbie said...

Is it a bad sin that I have such envy of your meals out? You all always have so much fun.

Jenni said...

You must interrogate him and find out what about penises. Because now I want to know. I'm betting he had recently watched Manswers and was just reflecting on that while you were in the bathroom. Manswers is to blame for at least 1/3 of Danny's bizarre comments. Bob and Tom get a small percentage of the blame too. The rest is all his.

ChrisB said...

Never a dull moment when you go out to dinner LOL.

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

A-ha. Okeeey then. ;-) Very funny.

I'm with ChrisB. I wanna go to dinner with you some time - seems they're always fun!

Burfica said...

man I would have spent the rest of the night bugging him to tell me what the thing was about penises. But I'm a pretty persistent bitch. I can wear almost anyone down. hahahaha

nikki said...

Above and beyond the most random dinner conversation ever. It beats my husband asking me if I want a wedgie.

Bobbie Leigh said...

That is so funny! I think every husband does that, wierd but amusing.

Pamela said...

I probably would have broken my neck looking around the restaurant to see what the fantasy was all about...

Janet said...

Penis, penis, penis.

Always topical.

Momisodes said...

LOL! That is awesome. Sounds like it was quite a date :) Now I'm curious if anyone else around you guys happened to tune into your conversation!

Tink said...

What was he thinking about while you were gone?! :)

Kaytabug said...

"two-pump chump" LMAO ovah here!
I think LceeL hit it on the head with the mental conversation. Go re-read his comment, he was dead on!
Who needs the whole family when you have wonder hubby?!!!

OHmommy said...

Men. There is NEVER a dull moment with them, huh? So funny.

Karly said...

Don't you wish you could have heard what he was thinking before he said all that? Men are so weird.

Lynette said...

LMAO. Never a dull moment. Gotta love that.

Trannyhead said...

I saw the hints on plurk. But it's so much better reading it first-hand. HAWT.

Crazed Mom said...

Too freaking funny!!! Can he call my spouse and explain being funny? wink.



Hugs.

Nap Warden said...

Ummm...Oh my! You are gonna get some weird Googlers;)

Huckdoll said...

OH. MY GOD.

That was the funniest thing I've ever read..really, omg. I love him! Can I take him home to make me choke on spinach leafs??!

Kelley said...

*insert bug eyed look here*

I would have choked on my spinach anyway, just for the effect.

so he never told you what pre-empted such a statement? Does he even KNOW?

I so wish we could go out for dinner.

Janet said...

That's IT? Nothing else? Where are Drummer Man and Drama King when you need them!?!?!?!?

Kila said...

Is that all they think about? Even during salads, LOL? My boys never will, of course ;)

Simply Jenn said...

Janet. What have you done to your husband? That was just toooo funny. Now you've got him talking to himself, poor guy- he's got to keep up with the rest of the family.

As for my banner- it was Biscuit and I graffiti-ed it when I found out I needed to give him back. I can't believe you understood that post, it kinda was a LOT of verbal vomit!

And Eagle soaring? AWESOME! Now my dog has a theme- how cool are you? New dog blog in the making!!! (I am allowed to steal from comments, right?)

Momo Fali said...

I think it's time he starts blogging.

Karen said...

It would be very interesting to know just what was going on inside his head to even put that much into words.

VDog said...

ZOMG! WTF??

Jaina said...

I wonder what the beginning of that mental monologue sounded like...

 
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