Tuesday, March 17, 2009

My mother, the pole dancer

My mother is a pole dancer.

She's 79.

I have mentioned the fact that she and her buddies take a pole-dancing workout class before, but it bears repeating after the conversation we had at brunch recently.

I don't remember how it came up, but I think it was when I asked if, during their recent bouts of home improvements (brought on by several floods -- oy, don't ask), she was planning to put a pole in her house.

"Ohh, I'd LOVE to," she gushed.

My father grinned a nasty grin.

I laughed and said something about how much HE would appreciate it.

"He's never seen it, and HE NEVER WILL," my mother said, smacking her smirking husband soundly on the arm (I do come by that trait honestly, it seems).

Meanwhile, the looks on the faces of Roo-girl and Z-man could be described as pricelessly appalled.

"It's a great workout," she insisted.

"I know," I said, laughing at my children's horror.

"I can spin around the pole two to three times," she added. "Not bad for an old broad. But I don't go upside down ..."

(wait for it)

" ... anymore."

I have since gouged out my eyes in an attempt to eliminate the image now burned on my retinas.

33 comments:

Mr Lady said...

"pricelessly appalled"
This is why you're my favorite thing ever.

Karen said...

And thank you for burning that into *my* retinas now. If I'm blinded for life I will hold you personally responsible.

LceeL said...

" ... anymore" Cool. Next thing you know they'll have a trapeze. Don't ask.

Burgh Baby said...

I love your mom. A lot.

Eternal Sunshine said...

Your mom is awesome. Love these stories.

Nap Warden said...

OMG...that's all I can say...OMG!

Natalie said...

next thing you know she'll be purchasing carmen electra's striptease workout videos for those days she can't make it to class. i know...you should totally purchase them for her! and then leave them out so the kids can run across them. the name alone will garner looks to last a lifetime!

Mirth said...

I think that's awesome! If we're only as old as we think we are, we could all learn a lot from pole dancing grandmothers. Go Mom!

justmylife said...

AH HAHAHAHAHA I can't comment now *wiping eyes* OMG How funny

nikki said...

I love pole dancing grandma.

Kaytabug said...

ROTFLMAO!!! OMG!!!
I KNEW IT!!!

I LOVE your Mom!!!

Going upside down on a pole is so much fun!

One of these days J, one of these days I will get your hiney on a pole.

xo

Janet said...

I'm having trouble seeing to type because my eyes are streaming from laughing so hard.
I don't know what was funnier - "anymore" or "burned on my retinas". I'd love to meet your Mom sometime.

ChrisB said...

Ha ha this is wonderful, your mom sounds like she is so much fun. LOL.

Indigo said...

I hope I have your mothers stamina for life when I get to be her age. Priceless! (Hugs)Indigo

Burfica said...

oh my gosh I would have milked that for all it was worth. hahahahaha That is soo cool. She sure is a spunky broad huh???

Frenchgirlrn said...

LOVE IT!!!

Debbie said...

That apple just fell right next to that tree.

Suzanne said...

You go, Grandma!

A Spot of T said...

79...pole dancing...upside down?? WTH?? I can barely get off the couch most days! Seriously though, that's awesome she's so active.

Crazy Mo said...

Gee ... does that may your mom a MILF or just a Yummy Mummy?

Janet said...

hahahaha! your mom is awesome.

Rachel said...

I love your mom.
LOVE this.

I'm with Mr. Lady: "pricelessly appalled" awesome.

:-) hee hee.

Karly said...

JESUS! Your mom is like some sort of stripping superhero. Seriously. 79? And pole dancing? Awesome!

Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

God I hope I'm pole dancing at 79.

That would be awesome.

Jaina said...

Oh wow. That's crazy. Love the phrase "pricelessly appalled"

Huckdoll said...

Your mom is a total riot. An inspiration to never stop living life to the fullest (though I understand how it might be a bit much for you) ... still....awesome!

Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

I don't care how old your children are, there are just some things you don't tell your kids! And an image of your mom hanging upside on a pole is one of them.

My boss didn't believe me and thought I was being weird by being disgusted to hear my parents sex problems. Then her daughter tried to talk to her about sex. Oh no! She got it then.

Momisodes said...

Oh man. You're mom is awesome. But I'd have to agree. If I heard those words come out of my mother's mouth, I would die.

Just die.

Joyce-Anne said...

heeeheeeheee Your mom is too much.

Tink said...

My Mom bought me a "Bullet" blender the other day. I told her it sounded like a vibrator. She thought it was so funny, she had to mention it to EVERYONE we know. Oy.

Debby said...

After you reach a certain point, really, hanging upside down is not good. Saggy body parts fall into your line of vision.

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

You wonder where you get your saucy from? Look no further...and considering I knew and have known she does the pole? It's still totally frightening.

Al_Pal said...

Ahhahahhah, awesome. Go Gramma! LOL.

 
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