Wednesday, April 15, 2009

My mother, the pole dancer (part 2)

Yeah, there is more. There's ALWAYS more.

When it comes to pole-dancing grandmas, how can you ever get enough?

To recap, my mother is 79. She pole-dances. It scares me.

So, it's Passover, and most of the seder dinner crowd has gone from my parents' house. My children, husband and I remain. (We always do -- otherwise, who would put the extra chairs down in the basement and take the leaves out of the dining room table? We all have our jobs.)

Anyway, we're sitting around in the family room. For some reason, my mother gets a bright idea.

"Oh, Roo-girl," she says cheerfully. "I need to show you my shoes!"

Um, ok. So we're all expecting some kind of expensive designer something-or-other that is typical of my mother and would undoubtedly make my daughter drool.

But instead, she brings out a flannel drawstring bag.

Which she ceremoniously un-drawstrings ...

And opens ...

And pulls out a pair of shoes.

Not any shoes, mind you. CFM shoes. For pole-dancing.

Yes, those are the actual shoes, on my mother's actual feet

But wait!!

What is that pink thing that just fell out of the bag and onto the floor?

"Oh," says my mother, without batting an eye. "That's my G-string."

*blink blink blink*

YOUR WHAT??????????

Drummer Man looks up from his magazine and arches one eyebrow.

"I got a couple of singles," he says, with that trademark deadpan delivery.

None of us will ever be the same.

34 comments:

Gina said...

That's hilarious. And your mother looks like she has great legs - I'd wear CFM shoes if I were her, too.

Karen said...

I am a little scarred. And scared. And I have to admit, confused. Didn't she make the statement previously that she'd never allow your dad to watch? So what's the get-up for? Please, please, please tell me that she's not making money on the side. Please.

Natalie said...

i love your mom more and more every time you talk about her! those shoes are fabulous!

robinellablog said...

"I've got a couple of singles"...HAlarious. I'll be laughing all day and having to tell my sons, "nothing" as an answer to their question. :o)

Oh and from that photo, her legs are looking good. Maybe I should take that "hobby" up.

Rachel said...

'coupla singles' i am dying.

Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

I so want to be your mom when I grow up. She's 79 and wearing those shoes and a g-string for pole dancing.

I totally see why you're terrified, and maybe she'll help with your therapy bills from her stash of singles.

But she's AWESOME.

justmylife said...

AH HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! One of these days I will be able to stop laughing and make a real comment.

ChrisB said...

Your moms a hoot and clearly it's brilliant exercise as her legs are in good shape. I don't think I could even stand up in those shoes LOL.

The Duchess of Wessex said...

Oh my gosh! Thanks for the laugh! A couple of singles... I'm dying!

More power to your PDM! Fantastic!

Indigo said...

I would love to of had your mom for a mother. OMG I was laughing so hard I had tears. Your mom most certainly knows how to take the boring out of a gathering. (Hugs)Indigo

LceeL said...

Your mother is perfect. Just perfect. Yours and mine ought to get together. They both seem to have a certain 'bad girl' streak in them.

Eternal Sunshine said...

Your mom is awesome.

I need some CFM shoes... The G-string was a bit much, though.

Junebug said...

Nice shoes! Today must be the day to show shoes. You can look at mine also. :D

Janet said...

good for her!

Burfica said...

It's just not right to have a visual of one or both of your parents that way. lmaooooooooo

Daisy said...

"I've got a couple singles..." How did he say that with a straight face?!! No, never mind, i don't want to know.

Suzanne said...

Your mother is the coolest!

Rachael said...

My mom would literally kill herself if she tried to walk in those shoes.

Rachael said...

My mom would literally kill herself if she tried to walk in those shoes.

nikki said...

I'm laughing my ass off because it's your mother. However if it was my mom I'd be mortified.

Siobhan said...

Your recap started me off laughing. It's not you typical "here's one to tell the grandkids" kinda story, is it? Hilarious. Those are some amazing shoes.

Pamela said...

im really envious. I could no more wear those than uh..uh..uh... G string. bwaa

Siobhan said...

I just read this out loud to the hubs (he left his glasses at work). He just stood beside me with a mouth full of banana, shaking his head then mumbled "she's a Grandma!" I am wheezing laughing. Again.

Pamela Kramer said...

Hilarious! I love the shoes. What a great lady she must be, so full of adventure.

Burgh Baby said...

If my legs look that hawt when I'm her age, I'm definitely busting out a pair of CFM's. No doubt about it.

Joyce-Anne said...

LMAO I loved your son's comment "I got a couple of singles".

Momisodes said...

*dies*

...and totally speechless.

Mirth said...

That's fantastic! I hope I'm still living life to the fullest when I'm 79. And your son, is classic.

Catwoman said...

I totally want to be your mom when I grow up.

At least it was a g-string and not boobie tassels!

Jaina said...

LMAO

Karen said...

Oh Dear Gawd! Some things should just not happen.

Janet said...

Your mama rocks. And Drummer Man needs to be a comedy writer. I'm rolling over here.

BusyDad said...

ok. no "look what MY mom did" story will ever top that. I'm sure of it. And I need to get her autograph if she ever does amateur night.

Auds at Barking Mad said...

When my mom gets back from Israel I am making her read this post and giving her strict instructions that if she ever gets a pair of CFM (I didn't even know what that was until I clicked on the link you so wonderfully provided) shoes and dares to tell me or show me, I will drop dead and it will be HER fault. I can't even imagine seeing a g-string in her immediate vicinity.

There are just some things I don't want to know. Rather, there are some things my therapist would rather not know, because that's where it ALL ends up!

 
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