Monday, July 13, 2009

A father. A dad. A daddy.

Crossposted at Mid-Century Modern Moms

I wasn't going to write about Michael Jackson.

Really, truly. I wasn't.

But there is one thing about the whole circus that was the life and death of Whacko Jacko that simultaneously touched and broke my heart.

His daughter's speech at his funeral.

The simple words, spoken through her tears and sobs, spoke volumes to many. It did for me -- but those volumes had nothing to do with Paris Jackson.

It's about MY daughter.

My member-of-the-Dead-Dads-Club daughter.

The Roo-girl walked into my room the day after Jackson's funeral just as the "Today" show was running the clip of a sobbing girl telling the world how her daddy was the best father in the world.

Roo stopped dead in her tracks. Transfixed. Unmoving.

Because Roo-girl's father died when she was a few months shy of 4. She really doesn't remember him much. She remembers that he loved her. But her memories are tempered with the knowledge that he was unspeakably cruel to her mother and her brothers.

I feel dreadful about this, but there are things about her father that cannot be forgiven. She doesn't know it all -- and right now, doesn't need or want to know.

Meanwhile, she is fortunate to have a stepfather who loves her and treats her like his own. She freely acknowledges that Wonderhubby is her dad.

But she watches a friend run across a room -- crying "Daddy, daddy, daddy!" -- and jump into her father's arms ...

And she wonders what that is like.

So Paris Jackson tells the world that her daddy was the best father in the world and she loves him so much.

And I die a little inside.

14 comments:

Kaytabug said...

:-( I love you! XOXOXO And XOXO for Roo too!

TaraDharma said...

found you via Meno's blog. Loved reading a few posts, and what with your well-placed links i got a brief history of janet. Yes, it IS cool when the teenagers find you cool - my now 21 yr old daughter's friends still tell her I'm the coolest -- and my ego appreciates it greatly!!

LceeL said...

That's a tough one. And there's probably no point in telling her, either. I am reminded of something my Gramps was fond of saying when he wanted to tell me to leave it alone - "Let sleeping dogs lie."

Joanna said...

Don't take that guilt! Tell it to go take a hike. She could have grown up to know him as the monster he was. Better to have a question mark of what might have been than knowing the reality.

HalfAsstic.com said...

Oh honey! Don't feel guilty! Father/daughter relationships are hard. You can just be grateful that Roo and your husband have that relationship.
Has he ever considered asking her if it would be OK with her to adopt her?

The Duchess of Wessex said...

Thanks for this post. It serves as yet another reminder that we all see things differently through the lens of our experiences...

I was horrified that the family allowed Paris Jackson to speak at the memorial. I'll give you more about that via e-mail later...

I love, (love, love!) what Joanna says in her comment about Roo-girl being better off with the question mark concerning her dad - given your unfortunate insight into the reality she was fortunate to be spared.

Do I wish Roo-girl had a daddy/father/dad like mine or your Wonderhubby to begin with? Only a bazillion times as much as I know you deserved Wonderhubby as your First husband AND that you and your other children should have been SPARED EVERY OUNCE of pain and suffering you knew before him!

There is Grace in the fact Roo-girl only knows/remembers that her daddy loved her (before he died.) And, Boy! That's a gift too few little girls ever get in their lifetime of having a dad.

For this reason, despite what should-have-been, Roo-girl STILL comes out on top (excuse the Cheer metaphor, I clearly know no better!)

I say Roo-girl, if she ever regrets anything, focuses on her bio-daddy's love all the way to, and for as long as it takes to fall into the loving and accepting arms of your Wonderhubby. Her now-daddy!

Peace and love to you always...

nikki said...

My dad sucked. And yes my life was painful at times dealing with that, but I had my mom, just like Roo has you. She's wonderful because of you.

Karen said...

Oh, hon. Why does the world have to be so messed up, and the kids suffer for it?

Janet said...

It's been almost 44 years, and I am STILL jealous of my friends who got to grow up with their fathers. As others have said, Roo is certainly better off with remembering only that he loved her and not what could have come in later years.

Jaina said...

It is heartbreaking.

Pamela said...

Roo is such a smart and perceptive youngster. I think she knows that a "step" up was God's gift to her.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 
All Rights Reserved. Planet of Janet, 2010.