Wednesday, August 26, 2009

I get by with a little help ...

I have a little secret.

It is quite possibly the secret to my success.

It is most definitely the secret to my sanity.

It's a secret that I have leaned on for the better part of six years, ever since that day -- after my wedding -- that I could absolutely FEEL the blood pumping in every capillary under my skin.

A blood pressure problem? Maybe. I was aging every day, after all.

Freaking, I sought medical attention.

My blood pressure was perfect. I was physically fine.

But it felt like my skin was crawling.

The doctor's professional opinion?

Anxiety -- and we have something for that, you know.

So, that day, six years ago, I took my first anti-depressant.

And never looked back.

Vitamin P, I lovingly refer to it. Mother's little helper.

After several weeks, I woke up one morning, realizing that my skin hadn't crawled in a couple days. And I generally felt better. The edge was off my attitude, without damaging my sparkling wit and cutting-edge personality. I was, quite frankly, easier to live with.

Ask my husband. Ask my kids. Ask my best friend, with whom I had a pact:

If either of us went bonkers -- menopausal nightmares, as it were -- it was the official responsibility of the other to slap her friend silly and make her take hormones.

A couple years ago, she looked me straight in the eye and said this: "Hon, do you think maybe you need your meds adjusted?"

And I admitted, sheepishly, that I had taken myself OFF my meds (without consulting a doctor -- don't try this at home).

And my friend, who is not a believer in better living through chemistry, was blunt: "Never do that again."

And I didn't.

This week I have been very down. Chest-achingly morose. Deep-thinkingly moody. Unable-to-thinkingly edgy. Always on the verge of tears.

I put it off to today's first-day-of-school-my-baby-is-growing-up-somebody-hold-me blues.

And then I had an epiphany.

In my new morning action plan -- the one that gets me to work by 8'ish and delightfully home before 5 every day -- I have cut some corners and changed my routine.

And for at least two weeks -- or MORE -- I have neglected to take my meds.


I'll never do that again.


Tammy Howard said...

Oh, nononononononono! Never 'forget' your meds! I can skip 3 days, and then I feel it hard. Glad you figured out the problem!

Debbie said...

I am glad you found something that helps so much! Good for you. Now, stick with it:)

Burgh Baby said...

Bad Janet!

nikki said...

I have to take my beloved Zoloft or else you don't want to be around me. Ever.

justmylife said...

Life is easier with meds. Never forget them again. Bad Janet!

Eternal Sunshine said...

Well, I don't take meds (Although I know I should), but from everything I've heard, I'm surprised that it took you that long to notice the problem. :P

Glad you figured it out anyway...

And shame on you! If you don't take care of you, who will? (HUGS)

JennyMac said...

So happy you found a little helper! Cheers.

Siobhan said...

I have a sneaking suspicion I'll be back on Lexapro when I have the baby. I don't want to, but I don't want the other crap either. Mine is fueled by weaning. Damn hormones.

LceeL said...

Not good to forget your meds. Not at all. Especially with Roo in the house. Because there is nothing in the world that will inspire the need for 'medication' better than a teenaged girl. said...

I am on "vitamin L" and considering changing to vitamin P since L isn't working as well as it once was.
Now speaking for you best friend, One more strike and you're out! Repeat after me, "I will not go off my meds again!"

Rachael said...

A-men, lady! I don't forsee any part of my life without my little pill friends. I have an imbalance. Why be ashamed of that? I can skip it, and become a depressed, anxious jerk, or I can take it and be happy. Glad you figured it out & started up again!

Joyce-Anne said...

I'm so glad you figured it out.

Audrey at Barking Mad! said...

I'm learning this lesson.

I'm new to the whole "better living through chemistry" thing and it's not been an easy adjustment. That said, I think there was a reason I needed to read this post today. I was going to go to bed and catch up with you tomorrow, but something said..."Go!" and I did. And I'm glad I did.

I still fight with myself over my little happy pill, but right now I'm literally in a fight for my life, and part of that fight means responsibly taking my pill, every day.

Thank you for this.

Nap Warden said...

Husband did I make him take the meds...take the meds girl!

Daisy said...


Roger said...

I am such a BASTARD when I don't take my meds, and am surprised that I still have a family (yes, it has gotten very bad at times I am ashamed to admit), thankfully, they understand and they KNOW when I have skipped a day, or two.

Definitely, don't do it, and I will try to do the same. Deal?

Pamela said...

ouch. some of those aren't good when you go "cold-turkey"

take care of yourself!

Janet said...

I was prescribed Vitamin P about 20 years ago for blinding headaches (go figure). I was blissfully happy for 60 days, during which I had incredibly vivid full-color nightmares straight out of the SCI-FI channel. When the headache problem turned out to be TMJ, I had surgery for that and no more Vitamin P. It will be interesting to see what happens when the Queen hits puberty at the same time I hit menopause. Take your vitamins!

Anonymous said...

I want to quote your post in my blog. It can?
And you et an account on Twitter?

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