I have a little secret.
It is quite possibly the secret to my success.
It is most definitely the secret to my sanity.
It's a secret that I have leaned on for the better part of six years, ever since that day -- after my wedding -- that I could absolutely FEEL the blood pumping in every capillary under my skin.
A blood pressure problem? Maybe. I was aging every day, after all.
Freaking, I sought medical attention.
My blood pressure was perfect. I was physically fine.
But it felt like my skin was crawling.
The doctor's professional opinion?
Anxiety -- and we have something for that, you know.
So, that day, six years ago, I took my first anti-depressant.
And never looked back.
Vitamin P, I lovingly refer to it. Mother's little helper.
After several weeks, I woke up one morning, realizing that my skin hadn't crawled in a couple days. And I generally felt better. The edge was off my attitude, without damaging my sparkling wit and cutting-edge personality. I was, quite frankly, easier to live with.
Ask my husband. Ask my kids. Ask my best friend, with whom I had a pact:
If either of us went bonkers -- menopausal nightmares, as it were -- it was the official responsibility of the other to slap her friend silly and make her take hormones.
A couple years ago, she looked me straight in the eye and said this: "Hon, do you think maybe you need your meds adjusted?"
And I admitted, sheepishly, that I had taken myself OFF my meds (without consulting a doctor -- don't try this at home).
And my friend, who is not a believer in better living through chemistry, was blunt: "Never do that again."
And I didn't.
This week I have been very down. Chest-achingly morose. Deep-thinkingly moody. Unable-to-thinkingly edgy. Always on the verge of tears.
I put it off to today's first-day-of-school-my-baby-is-growing-up-somebody-hold-me blues.
And then I had an epiphany.
In my new morning action plan -- the one that gets me to work by 8'ish and delightfully home before 5 every day -- I have cut some corners and changed my routine.
And for at least two weeks -- or MORE -- I have neglected to take my meds.
I'll never do that again.