Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Too much, too late

The Roo-girl has her "special weekend" in a mere two days.

Thursday night, I will deposit her with the pole-dancing grandma and the "I know what I like" grandfather for several days packed to the gills with shopping, restaurants, museums, the theater and pedicures.

And I am thrilled for her. Thrilled that she will get the attention she deserves. Thrilled that my parents are finally figuring out what they have missed.

Thrilled, mostly.

Actually, I'm trying very very hard to maintain "thrilled," but I'm having a severe "Disney dad" response to this whole thing.

And as a result, in a cold little place in my hard Evil Mother heart, I am angry.

I am angry that this has been referred to as Roo-girl's "special weekend."

I am angry that they are trying to take 15 years of neglect and repackage it into a weekend of fun and games.

I am angry that they will use STUFF to speak to her, when TIME should have been enough.

My parents are local. They live a mere 25 or 30 miles from us. So why does this have to be a THING of epic proportions?

It could have been a day of lunch and shopping.

Then next month, they could have gone to the theater.

And maybe another time, she and my mother could have gotten pedicures together.

Perhaps what really yanks my chain is that it comes mere days after monologue discussion I had with Roo Monday night while sitting on a leather couch at our local Costco.

A discussion prompted by her unreasonable expectations of what she is entitled to in a redecorating her room a la House Beautiful.

A discussion prompted by her champagne tastes on my beer budget.

A discussion prompted by a series of statements that all started with "I want" or "I need."

Because I want, and I need, too.

I want peace, and I need balance.

And everyone to get over themselves.

Even me.


LceeL said...

Ahhhh. Balance - and where to find it. Loving - that they have finally begun to see what they're missing. Hating - that they still don't really get it.

But maybe they will. Time.

Roger said...

This whole thing strikes very close to home for me, but I need several paragraphs to do it. Ahh, blog material. All I can say, is I am glad that your parents have finally come around to realize what they are missing out on. Now if they could only talk to mine...

Simply Jenn said...

This is like a bizarre fast forward for me in about 6 years. My father does NOT LIKE my youngest child. She who fought through a prenancy that was considered "doomed" at about 12 weeks. She who battled pre-ecclampsia and near death WITH me, we were both fighting for our lives and both managed to live. She, the NICU baby who came home at 3 lb 15 oz. She who has more guts and confidence that I have ever, or will ever have. She who the grandpa LOCKS in a room when she stays with them because she is so difficult (read: she is not scared of my father which is unacceptable). I think (maybe) one day he might realize this child has done more in 7.5 years than most kids in a lifetime. Maybe not. But the day he does I will be an ANGRY woman.

All this to say: I think I understand how you feel, and I think your feelings are completely on spot. Bad grandparents make me so very, very sad.

Wendy said...

Hang in there! Sounds like you've got your hands full!

Daisy said...

Disney Dad syndrome - I understand. It is sad that they're only just now coming around to realize what a wonderful young woman Roo is, and sad that the "special weekend" is so unusual. Wishing you luck - and wishing you balance.

HalfAsstic.com said...

Ah, honey. It's the age of the teen and the amount of the "evil hormones" that is the root of almost all of today's evil, er no, I meant problems, today's problems.
Yeah... that's what I meant. ;-)

Momisodes said...

I'm sorry. I can relate on so many levels, and sympathize. Balance is a good word for it though. Something I wish my in-laws had to offer their granddaughter, too.

Instead of simple phone calls or video chats every now and then, my daughter gets a HUGE box full of crap on holidays to compensate. It's a shame. Especially since it is not what I want my daughter to learn.

anticsofacrazymom said...

I hope Roo has a great weekend and everyone finds some balance. Those "I wants" are starting to really get to me. As my mom use to say, "Want in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up faster."

Joyce-Anne said...

Argh! Why do they feel the need to jam it all into one weekend? The answer is beyond me. I'm sorry for Roo girl and sorry for you. Balance is a good thing. People just have to learn to do it.

bettyl said...

I feel for you and agree with you whole-heartedly. Please don't hold a teen being a teen against her. She's brain-damaged, as are all teens. (google Nigel Latta)

I have come to see things, kids, events differently lately. I decided that we (parents) give kids what they need and that will stick with them for life. Others give them what they want and that makes them happy for a moment. Both are good. In the end, we win.

Trannyhead said...

Poor Granilla is totally a buyer/briber. She would feel guilty about something and then take me shopping. Now she just buys stuff for Sumo - and I'm cool with that. A 2 year old can never have too much plastic Made in China crap, after all ...

PS - I'm impressed Roo is willing to go there for a weekend, honestly. At 15 I would have rather been beaten than spend time with relatives.

Karly said...

Really hoping that she has a great time this weekend. Maybe they'll start visiting with her more often after this.

Nap Warden said...

I get it...at least they're trying...sort of. You blink, and you miss the whole thing. Why don't folks get it?

Jaina said...

::hugs:: I can see how frustrating this all must be. As a person who tends to flip to an extreme when she realizes an error or a fault of some kind, it kind of makes sense. Doesn't make it right though. I hope things get all sorted out and that Roo has a good time this weekend.

Pamela said...

I just don't figure what happened to their grandparent hearts?

Janet said...

I have champagne tastes and a beer budget as well. Lite beer at that.

Hopefully this weekend, while overloaded, will just be the first of many occasions.

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