Friday, September 4, 2009

If you teach a man to fish ...

My mom had surgery this week.

It's definitely breast cancer, but it was caught very, very early. She had a lumpectomy on Wednesday as an outpatient.

She handled it quite well and, by the day after surgery, was only taking Tylenol, rather than the hard stuff.

We're still waiting for the pathology report, which is why -- if you don't know me in real life or on Plurk -- I haven't said much (or anything) about it.

The path report will tell us if the edges were clean and the tale of the lymph nodes (2) that were removed.

In the meantime, we muddle through.

And if you know my family AT ALL, you know that there is humor in all things.

So there we were, sitting in the lobby of the outpatient center. My father, my sister and two of my mom's friends (neither of them are pole-dancing cronies, just fyi).

At one point, there were turkey sandwiches involved -- and enough pickles for us to open our own deli. Oh, and cole slaw. And thousand island dressing.

We smelled delicious.

And of course, there was the obligatory "What to expect from your outpatient surgery experience" brochure.

On page 3 was a description of the center's hospital bracelet color-coding system.

White for the patient's name.

Red for allergies.

Etc.

I looked at it over my dad's shoulder and laughed.

"It's like the jelly bracelets the kids wear -- and you KNOW what that means, don't you?" I howled.

My dad looked puzzled.

"The girls wear these bracelets, and the color indicates what they're willing to do."

"Do?" he asked.

"Um," I hedged. "They're ... um ... what they're willing to DO."

He didn't miss a beat.

"Where do you find those girls????"

Yep. That's my dad.

He knows what he likes.

And it ain't fish.

21 comments:

Tammy Howard said...

Man, is that bracelet thing still accurate? They sell them at, like, Kohl's in the Jr. Department...

I hope everything turns out well for your mom.

Jenni said...

I've never heard the bracelet thing. Are you talking about the wide rubber bracelets that often have some message on them or the skinny kind like we used to wear in the 80s?

I'm glad your mom caught this thing early. I hope the pathology report shows they got it all and she can be done.

The Duchess of Wessex said...

Loving your Dad!

So sorry about your Mom's breast cancer - I know this opens up a whole added worry for you and Roo.

Know that I'm thinking of you (always) and wishing you peace and too much fun!

Love,

Janet

Roger said...

Well I know what bracelets NOT to allow my daughters to wear. Of course, I would have to let them out of the house...

Hope you get the best results possible for your mother.

justmylife said...

Well, now we know where the kids get it!

Hope the path report comes back quick and with good results. It took 2 weeks to get the "not" final path report back on Dad's lung biopsy. I think they are still waiting for the final report. New York is suppose to be fast paced, yea right, as long as you aren't waiting for test results. heh!

Must have a list of those colors, so I know what not to let LM wear. heh!

songbird's crazy world said...

that bracelet thing is still around?

having dealt with my own "wait for the path report" drama a few years back, I understnad exactly what you mom is going through right now.

I think your mom would appreciate this:

http://www.savethetatas.com/

and I wear one of these:

http://thebcmall.stores.yahoo.net/19-cswrist.html

LceeL said...

I hope everything turns out okay for your Mom. I always donate to Breast Cancer things - I have one of those pink ribbon loops on my car to demonstrate my support. They should have those for men, too. Maybe a site like www.SaveTheTesticles.com, where they could sell image of an open pair of side cutters or something.

Kaytabug said...

I'm lovin your Dad!!! You guys are a riot!!

Will now be looking at all the girls wrists at the Middle School!

I hope your Mom gets the best results!!!

ChrisB said...

Sounds very positive for your mom.

Your dad is a hoot. Now I wonder if they sell those bracelets here!

nikki said...

i'm glad the surgery went well. Although it would have been much more interesting if mom's friends were pole dancers too.

Momisodes said...

No he didn't?!
He never fails to bring a laugh :)

I am truly hoping that everything with your mom turns out well and this procedure took care of it. *hugs*

Daisy said...

I think I'm glad my teen son is blind. But I can just hear his come on line: "Hey, babe, I can't see it. What color is your bracelet?"

OHmommy said...

Hahahaha your Dad is all kinds of awesome. Funny.

Hope all is well with your mother.

Brittany at Mommy Words said...

I hope everything turns out okay! Humor helps in (almost) all situations and you guys have that down. I am going to read more and follow. Funny lady I look forward to getting to know you!

Nap Warden said...

I hope all turns out well for Mom...the bracelet thing...I had no idea.

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

bwaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa!

When my mum had her masectomy we sent her flowers with a card that read 'Great job OT'. She knew what it meant and cracked up laughing. The nurses were not so impressed, not understanding our black humour.

OT = One Tit.

Now looking back, I think our family may be a little twisted.

Jill said...

I had heard of that bracelet thing, but didn't know if it was real.

Hope all is well with your mom! Keep us updated!

Jac said...

Your dad reminds me of my dad *lol8

We've done the waiting on the Path report a few times... so I hope it goes quickly for you and that they got it all! ((HUGS))

Pamela said...

your dads comments explains your moms pole dancing

hoping your mom gets the best medical care ever.

Karen said...

Clearly we either live backwoods, or I live along De Nile. I had no idea those colors meant anything. Good heavens. You can't even wear jelly bracelets anymore without fear of some sleezy drunk offering to take you back to his big rig for a few minutes.

Karen said...

And I've been praying for your mom as well as the family. Hang in there, hon.

 
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