Wednesday, October 7, 2009

How can I embarrass thee? Let me count the ways ...

A day without embarrassing my children is like a day without sunshine.

No, really. I truly believe that I have been put upon this earth to make my kids flush bright red and run screaming from the room. And my day isn't complete until I have done that at least once.

Case in point: my phone. My ringtones are the most embarrassing ever. When Wonderhubby calls, I get a rousing chorus of "... My life ... would suck ... withoooooouuuuuuut youuuuuu!"

The mere mention of Kelly Clarkson makes the Roo-girl want to stab me with a spork.

Even better, though, is my ringtone for the Roo-girl herself: "There's a she-wolf in the closet ... let it out so it can breathe ...," followed by some heavy-duty panting. Why did I pick that for her? Because she HATES the song. (I would have linked to the Youtube video, but it weirded me out too much. Love the song, hate the gyration.)

Anyway, Z-man hears my phone "ring" and rolls his eyes. After wanting to hide under the nearest coffee table, of course.

I boogie to the radio in the car. I skip down the street. I laugh too loud. I won a gross-out contest with the Drama King (he will never challenge me again). Oh, and I ask embarrassing questions.

It's a gift.

I must admit, however, that I'm a lightweight compared to my BFF, who once broke wind -- loudly -- in time to the music of a Christmas carol at the mall. To this day, her children cringe when they hear "Feliz Navidad."

But I digress.

Yesterday, I had to go to work early. Roo's school had a late-start day (oh, how I HATE you, late-start days!).

So I took her to Starbucks, where she was going to meet a friend and hang out before school. Nice mommy that I am, I even bought her drink before I left her there.

Here is how I ordered:

"I'd like a grande half-caff skinny vanilla latte ... and ... um ..." (looking around for Roo, who had her nose pressed against the pastry display window) "... uh ... whatever the Queen of the May is having."

My friendly barrista thought that was pretty funny. He also seemed to have had a little trouble hearing me, because when our drinks were called, we heard this:

"Janet ... and ... Queen of the Day."

Yes, the dude had actually written Queen of the Day on her coffee cup.

Roo was NOT amused. And if looks could kill ...

My work here is done.

16 comments:

Suzanne said...

Fantastic! Kind of wishing I had a girl, so I could use that just once.

My ring tones don't embarrass my kids...yet.

LceeL said...

Poor Roo. I wonder what she's going to do the HER kids when she (if she) has them. Hmmm.

Meanwhile, My wifes phone ring for me is that "Oh Yah" sound from "Ferris Beuller". The whole thing - music and all.

Karen said...

That's awesome! But I'm having a hard time getting past the whole breaking wind to a tune thing. Dude, that takes some skills. I will NOT tell my boys.

Roger said...

Now all you need are some snazzy jammies to complete the deal. :)

Kaytabug said...

LOVE IT!!
My kids are to little to be embarrassed by my ringtones. My almost 12 year old is getting close. I have the Wonder Pets singing"The Phone. The phone is ringing. The phone, we'll be right there." That is for their school. Hubby used to be the chipmunks singing,"Bow-chicka-wow-wow-chicka-wow-wow!"
I'll have to find some embarrassing ringtones.

Siobhan said...

I;m with Karen, I can't get past the Christmas accompamyment at the Mall. I hate that song too, so it would have made me laugh pretty hard.

You know what I love the best about everything, they don't get that you're out to embarrass them. That's classic.

nikki said...

i will never let ken forget the day he called a volvo a vulva. it still makes me giggle uncontrollably. embarassing your kids is a parental right!

The Duchess of Wessex said...

Since our youngest son has decided to mutilate his head by making huge loopy holes out of his ear lobes and is now wearing a hook the size I image fishermen might use to reel in a whale through his nose, I am OFFICIALLY unable, try as I might, to embarrass him.

Sucks when the tables are turned too!

Contimue on... You're doing a great job!

Eternal Sunshine said...

Our 15yo has decided that he doesn't wish to attend the football games until he is able to drive himself.

Smart boy. >)

Daisy said...

She broke wind in time to the music? How? Teach me that one, please!

justmylife said...

I love embarrassing my children but bow to the master!

Tammy Howard said...

It truly is one of the greatest pleasures of parenting. I love to see how many syllables the initial two in "mother" can become.

Ask me some time about talking to my eldest about masturbation...

Burgh Baby said...

I want to be just like you when I grow up.

Pamela said...

I want your autograph

Joanna said...

And that's why you're my hero.

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

I love you. You are me. And I am awesome...

 
All Rights Reserved. Planet of Janet, 2010.