A day without embarrassing my children is like a day without sunshine.
No, really. I truly believe that I have been put upon this earth to make my kids flush bright red and run screaming from the room. And my day isn't complete until I have done that at least once.
Case in point: my phone. My ringtones are the most embarrassing ever. When Wonderhubby calls, I get a rousing chorus of "... My life ... would suck ... withoooooouuuuuuut youuuuuu!"
The mere mention of Kelly Clarkson makes the Roo-girl want to stab me with a spork.
Even better, though, is my ringtone for the Roo-girl herself: "There's a she-wolf in the closet ... let it out so it can breathe ...," followed by some heavy-duty panting. Why did I pick that for her? Because she HATES the song. (I would have linked to the Youtube video, but it weirded me out too much. Love the song, hate the gyration.)
Anyway, Z-man hears my phone "ring" and rolls his eyes. After wanting to hide under the nearest coffee table, of course.
I boogie to the radio in the car. I skip down the street. I laugh too loud. I won a gross-out contest with the Drama King (he will never challenge me again). Oh, and I ask embarrassing questions.
It's a gift.
I must admit, however, that I'm a lightweight compared to my BFF, who once broke wind -- loudly -- in time to the music of a Christmas carol at the mall. To this day, her children cringe when they hear "Feliz Navidad."
But I digress.
Yesterday, I had to go to work early. Roo's school had a late-start day (oh, how I HATE you, late-start days!).
So I took her to Starbucks, where she was going to meet a friend and hang out before school. Nice mommy that I am, I even bought her drink before I left her there.
Here is how I ordered:
"I'd like a grande half-caff skinny vanilla latte ... and ... um ..." (looking around for Roo, who had her nose pressed against the pastry display window) "... uh ... whatever the Queen of the May is having."
My friendly barrista thought that was pretty funny. He also seemed to have had a little trouble hearing me, because when our drinks were called, we heard this:
"Janet ... and ... Queen of the Day."
Yes, the dude had actually written Queen of the Day on her coffee cup.
Roo was NOT amused. And if looks could kill ...
My work here is done.