Friday, January 8, 2010

He's at the pineapple of his career

I love my husband.

I want to make that clear.

He is, like the old song says, the sun in the morning and the moon at night. My knight in shining armor. The one who, unbelievably, took on a woman with four children and didn't run away from the oversized emotional baggage.

Having offered that disclaimer, as well as the fact that I asked him first if I could write this and he had no problem with it, I can now move on to today's topic:

Malapropisms a la Wonderhubby.

This man makes me laugh on a regular basis because he slaughters the English language in ways that I didn't believe possible. Not on purpose ... he really believes what he says.

After all, it makes perfect sense that Jennifer Lopez would "lip sing" with a pre-recorded tape during part of the televised New Year's Eve concert.

And that she and her dancers would "fwail" around crazily.

On another subject, he thought something I had said was a "moog" point -- and we weren't discussing synthesizers.

But most of all, he recently was horrified when he read that Facebook might become a paid site.

"Oh no," said Wonderhubby, as he puzzled over why the social networking site would do that.

"That would be its death nail."

I blinked at him.

"The WHAT?"

"The death nail!"

I giggled helplessly.

"Um, you mean the DEATH KNELL?"

Yeah, I guess that was what he meant.

Gawd, that man is funny.


LceeL said...

If Facebook becomes a paid site- that's exactly what it is as far as I'm concerned - its 'death nail'. Or the 'straw that drowned the frog'. Or the 800 pound gorilla that farted in the room and asphyxiated everybody. yeah. One of those.

Jenni said...

I can see how death nail makes sense thinking of nails in the coffin. The 800 pound gorilla in the comment above is the one that really made me giggle though.

nikki said...

One needs that kind of humor daily. That's half the reason why I married Kev. It certainly wasn't for his great cooking......

Janet said...

Now second ex-husband drove me crazy doing that...but mainly because he insisted the way he said it was right. English was his second language.

Karen said...

That's awesome. He sounds adorable.


Hysterical and yet, so familiar to my own world.

My husband's family - not just my husband - all call chimneys "chimleys." And they are able to say it without the faintest trace of a smile on their faces.

Karen said...

Or the nail in the coffin.

I'll bet he's a fun one to live with.

Momisodes said...

ROFL!!! I'm still giggling here, I'm sorry. I think it's because I know exactly what he was referring to with Jennifer Lopez on New Year's Eve ;)

Don't worry though. My husband is the same way. He once confessed that his complexion was not that great as a teenager, and he had 'ACME'

Suzanne said...

It's no wonder you giggle on a regular basis. Those are really funny!

OHmommy said...

Ha. That's great. Think about how boring life would be without funny slips. Always keeps you on your toes smiling.

Pamela said...

My friends mother is the worst. She called family members to let them know her pregnant daughter was in the hospital -- baby on the way.

They had to "seduce" her.

She also once told her daughter that there was a parade. "Gays and lybians" were marching.

Pamela said...

speaking of 2nd languages - our Japanese exchange student said something about "sex soon."
We finally figured out he would have success soon --

K said...

Do you have any idea how long it took me work out what the phrase "like a bullet a gate" meant? It just made no sense!

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...


He wouldn't last five minutes here with the Grammar Police.

Janet said...

The Mountain Man has some malapropisms, too, but his aren't nearly so funny.

Jaina said...

Too funny. And I cannot imagine Facebook becoming a paid site...though I couldn't imagine them going from a college network to the next MySpace either, so my judgment in this case is clearly not to be trusted.

Carolie said...

my bff, a 6'2", very handsome and very intelligent man: "...and she was so hysterical that they had to take her to the hospital and seduce her!"

me: *totally hidden snicker* " mean they had to 'sedate her'?"

my bff: "I just can't phantom it!"

me: *totally hidden snicker* " you mean you can't fathom it?"

I LOOOOOOVE me some Malapropisms!

Then, of course, are the pronunciation issues. Fearless Husband knows a ton of words he's read but never heard aloud....and when he sprinkles them into conversation, it's all I can do not to snort with laughter. He says things like "theory-otik-ly" (theoretically) and "hie-dee-us" (hideous). There are so many others, but of course I can't think of them right now!

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