Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Much ado about something ... and nothing

I run a reasonably quiet establishment here.

I'm not a big A-list money-making blogger. I have my peeps. They like me, and I like them.

But this week, for some reason, my comment section has become a hotbed of misinformation, misinterpretation and a lot of hate.

For some reason, my post from LAST week -- a post in which I basically said nothing except that I was hurting -- has generated a lot of controversy.

For some reason, people who have only commented once or twice in my almost three-year blogging career have decided to hang out here, ostensibly in the name of an open forum but instead spouting pronouncements of "fact" and "certainty" about how I feel about homosexuality as it refers to my sons and stepdaughter.

And for some reason, my comment section has thus become a forum for lesbian rhetoric and Janet bashing.

For starters, let us reiterate, as I have in the past, that this blog is but a teeny tiny slice of my real life. It is, in fact, only a recounting of the things I find amusing, touching or heartbreaking that I care to share with others. Like an iceberg, the things below the surface -- the things I don't splatter all over cyberspace -- are greater and deeper than what pokes through for general viewing.

So anyone who reads this blog and -- on the basis of this blog alone -- makes pronouncements of "fact" about how I operate on a day-to-day basis is blowing smoke.

And anyone who could make any kind of inference about lesbianism based on last week's post should probably cease and desist.

In point of fact, last week's post had NOTHING to do with sexual orientation. What it DID have to do with is the delayed "teen rebellion" of a 20-year-old who, in fact, threw a tantrum and some wild accusations about unrelated items that neither her father nor I could understand or accept.

So I hope it makes people comfortable to know that ALL of our children and their significant others were in attendance at my parents' 60th anniversary celebration. I hope it makes people comfortable to know that ALL of our children were treated to a lavish weekend with love and respect.

I hope it makes people comfortable to know that sexual orientation was a complete non-issue in any of this.

Because I still run a reasonably quiet establishment here.

And even if I didn't, it's still my blog and MY voice, and if people are uncomfortable with that, they should feel free to click the little red X in the corner.


Karen said...

Well said, lady. Well said.

nikki said... Love you J!

Kaytabug said...

Amen sista!!!

Roger said...

I am always surprised when people want to push themselves into your personal life. Like they have a right to do that. When I read your post from a couple weeks back, I actually thought that you and Roo had a little bit of a tussle, and was shocked to see how the comments turned into what they turned into. I love that you share that little bit of your life with us, and I actually learn a thing or two.


Tara R. said...

*applaud* Amen sista!

(I had also thought your post was about Roo. It never occurred to me that it was anything other than what you did share - family drama.)

Lilacspecs said...

Heh, I never read comments on other people's blogs. I'm here to read what you write and what anyone else says is of little to no consequence for me.
Sorry you were having a tough time with one of your kids, but hey, I'm 29 and still have an occasional tantrum, so I guess it happens to everyone.

midlifenatalie said...

i totally just added my opinion on your other post. sorry for the novel!

i love what you write about. i love reading about the struggle because it's real. i almost always walk away with something to think about.

i do think that the younger generation has a totally different perspective on things. kids and young people today seem to have more of a self-centered outlook on life. how does it affect them? what will they get out of it? that was evidenced at our pride parade here this past weekend. the older crowd, and by older i mean over 30, seemed to be quieter and more respectful of those around them. the younger ones yelled profanity across the streets and walked around pretty much like they owned the place. as a first time pride parade attender i just took it all in. it was all very interesting.

Jenni said...

Holy crap! I had no idea what was going on in your comments section. (And now your comment to me makes sense. Sigh.)

I had to go back and read that post to see what all the fuss was about. The second time around, as well as the first, I saw nothing but the fact that you were having a disagreement with one of your daughters. Perhaps the reason some people thought you had a problem with J-Bear's sexuality was because you mentioned being rendered speechless when Z-Man revealed his to you, but I didn't jump to that conclusion or take it as a given from what you'd said. From what I can see, you've always been very accepting and supportive of your kids--no matter what other people read into it.

After reading all the comments on that other post, I would like to make a comment of my own about something which was said. Yes, you can love someone even if you do not approve of all of their choices. I know without a doubt that I would love my children just as much if they were gay. It would be difficult for me because homosexuality goes against my beliefs, but I could not love them less for it. I know some people will take offense at this, and truly none is meant, but from the standpoint of my beliefs I think it is a fair comparison that might help someone with opposing views understand mine. If my child was a drug addict or even just a smoker, I would not love him less, but I would be concerned about his choices. (Yes, I understand some people do not believe this is a choice. I'm explaining my own position.) You can love someone with your whole heart without loving all of their choices. Janet has gone beyond loving and tolerating in showing a great deal of acceptance for who her children are, and I think she deserves respect for that, not hatred.

Now, if you'd like to direct your hatred somewhere, I'm sure I'm a much worthier target having said that homosexuality goes against my beliefs. Fine. Fire away. But know also that I try my best to tolerate, respect, and, yes, *love* all people regardless of their sexual orientation or any other factor.

Oops, guest post.

LceeL said...

So. What did I miss?

Oh. And BTW. Have I told you lately that I love you? And WonderHubby? And Roo? And your pole dancer? And Z-Man, Drama King, J-Bear and Drummer Man? Oh, and Rocky, too?

If not, I should have. Because I do.

Suzanne said...

Yikes! I commented, but skipped my normal follow up of reading what others say.

I didn't even get the idea that it was J Bear from your post. You have five children and it was sufficiently vague that it could have been any one of them.

Though I actually leaned towards it being Roo, because, well, she's a high school student and drama is part and parcel of everything at that age.

You've said it to me several times before, but this too shall pass.

And those who jumped on the bandwagon to comment without reading Janet's history, please go back and read the archives. This woman is quite supportive of all her children, no matter who they love or what they do.

~ said...

Hey Blog Bud...Hadn't seen or heard from you in a lo-o-o-o-o-g time. Glad to see people still like to weigh in on issues that are 'globbed' about.
First, congratulations to your parents !
Second, love your instructions on how to click the little red X in the corner.
Good job.

Cathy said...

Hey Janet, so sorry you had to go through all that crap...people are in love with the sound of their own voices and too many think their opinion is the only one that matters and will shout down anyone else who thinks otherwise.

No tolerance at all. They forget the whole "do unto others" in their vehemence. Screw em, they don't matter in the larger scheme of things.

~sWaMpY~ said...

Yeah, well, I wasn't finished signing in...

The Duchess of Wessex said...

Perfectly said (as usual) and you know what? This IS your blog, so those who don't get you like the rest of us do can just s~ck it.

I'm interested now to see how many apology comments you might get, now that you set the record straight for those who went askew on us.

Good Lord, woman, if you are not the POSTER child for acceptance, then there truly is no hope left.

Loving you!

Rachael said...

Um, I don't get it. I didn't read the comments on your other post, but I don't get how people can just jump to conclusions so easily! It's odd to me. I didn't get the idea you were talking about ANY kid in particular from your post, it could have been any of the 5. In any case, I think you're cool. And obviously love ALL your kids.

Also, my word verification is pinis. And that's just one letter off from being completely inappropriate, isn't it? :-)

Joanna said...

Wow. Sorry you had to put a disclaimer post. Anyone who has read more than 2 posts of yours knows you love and support your kids. Hugs to ya! said...

Ooooo. I been out of pocket! Look what happens when I'm gone! All the controversy!
Don't worry 'bout the "hater's"! They're just bored and needed something to do. You! They'll move on to the next victim soon enough! ;-)

Anonymous said...

I also assumed you were talking about Roo, coming from the viewpoint of a mother of teenage girl. I guess it's all relative to what you have going on in your own life.
Sorry, Roo! :-)
-Cara Donna

Maisy said...

I'm here to confess I read your blog in Google reader, so I never see the comments others make. I've logged on today to offer support of you and what you share with us on your blog.

And to wonder how the heck these people could possibly infer anything about your belief on anything from last week's post!

Anonymous said...

This is your blog, which is public. People are allowed to comment in public forums. If you don't like that people will comment about things that you post that you dislike, then I recommend that you make your blog not public. As you so succinctly said, if you don't like it, suck it.

Anonymous said...

Also, dismissing what people say as "lesbian rhetoric" doesn't make you look more enlightened. If anything, it only makes it MORE obvious that you're not getting it.

It doesn't matter if this is just a slice of your life. It's almost worse that way, actually. You're choosing to depict this slice in language which irrevocably makes it obvious that your children's sexuality is an issue for you, and that you do not love and support them as much as you do your straight child. It's sad.

Pamela said...

I've got to go do some reading now...
get caught up.

It is hard enough to deal with teenagers, me thinks, without having someone add other unrelated stuff to it.

Debbie said...

And I missed the controversy yet again!
I will just volunteer that I have been hanging around here a long, long time and I'd have to say that yours is one of the most accepting, open, loving blogs I have the privilege of visiting.

May said...

Anonymous (why doesn't it surprise me that you haven't given your name?), I have never read anything in this blog to suggest that Janet loves any of her children more or less than any of the others.

I have, however, read the comments that she is referring to and frankly, and I'm speaking as someone who is bisexual herself, it looks like someone jumping to conclusions in order to air a grievance that has nothing to do with the issue at hand.

You're right, people do have the right to comment, but equally the blog owner has the right to respond. She hasn't removed the comments feature, she has not told people not to comment, she has just invited them to go elsewhere if they don't want to accept the content of this blog and explained that the commenter had misunderstood. I don't see that that is wrong in any way.

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