Monday, October 11, 2010

Things that might have been but are not

I probably looked at the calendar about 20 times this weekend, unable to figure out what was nagging at me about this week.

Sure, I had stuff listed there: high school football games, tutoring, Wonderhubby's birthday, physical therapy appointments, cheer parent meetings.

But that wasn't it.

Something. It was something.

This morning I figured it out.

Today would have been my 18th anniversary, had I stayed married to He Who Shall Not Be Named -- and, of course, had he lived to tell about it.

Eighteen is an auspicious number in the Jewish tradition.

I borrowed this definition from because my feeble attempts to explain it were inadequate:
The word for "life" in Hebrew is "chai." The two Hebrew letters that make up the word "chai" are chet and yud. In Gematria (the numerical value of Hebrew letters), chai is equivalent to 8 and yud is equivalent to 10. So "chai," chet and yud together, equals 18. Giving money in multiples of $18 is symbolic of giving "chai" or life. Many people give money in mulitiples of $18 as presents to someone celebrating a birth, a bar or bat mitzvah or a wedding.

So, on the anniversary of "life," I remember -- but only briefly -- the years of "death."

And then, I sweep those cobwebs back to the trash heap where they belong, and give thanks for my amazing (and patient) husband; my baby girl, who doesn't have to live under that cloud; my boys, who survived the years and love me anyway.

And the life I have. The beautiful, sweet, loving, delightfully boring life that I have.



LceeL said...


Kaytabug said...

This made me smile and feel warm fuzzies. *sigh*
love you!!!!

songbird's crazy world said...

Mazel tov, Janet. we remeber the "bad' anniversaries along with the good... so that we appreciate the good all the more.

Daisy said...

It reminds me of another proverb: "May you live in interesting times." It can be stated as a blessing or as a curse.

I'm glad your life is boring in all the right ways.

Siobhan said...

The number aspect is really intriguing to me. Thanks for teaching me something! And I am glad your life is "boring" too. Love ya.

Suzanne said...

Mazel Tov. May you have many more 18's to celebrate.


MJ said...

Amen. You are an amazing woman. I am so glad that you got past all that bad and ended up somewhere awesome. And I love how it took you so long to realize what it was that you had forgotten. It's happened to me, and I think of it as a tangible sign that I'm moving in the right direction.

The Captain's Daughter said...

Hugs to you! I predict the next 18the anniversary you remember will be full of (even more) happiness!

Pamela said...

hang on to that delightfully boring part...

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